Ode to a Starship
by Lina Shay
Summary: Lt. Shay Lina is a Bajoran aboard the Federation Starship Wasatch. Her path is unclear, but with the help of a Klingon, a Trill, a Vegan, and other random characters, she may find where she belongs.
1. Friends Among the Stars

A/N: First of all, I want you to know that this is completely random, therefore it will not totally follow what would happen in the Star Trek world, especially in reguard to activities of the crew and such. This is based on actual events which happen in my current life, so there's no telling what will happen next. I don't expect very many people to find much interest in this story, but I will continue it as long as it suits me.

Ode to a Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter One: Friends Among the Stars

I didn't welcome the end of shore leave. I wasn't sure why. I had spent a great deal of the time by myself on board, and now more people would be returning. I would no longer be so alone. I would get to see my friends again.

Maybe I was dreading everyone asking, "So why didn't you go home to Bajor while we were on liberty?" I didn't want to have to explain a million times that my house didn't exist anymore since the Cardassian occupation. That I hadn't gone home because I didn't want to face what had happened to my life and my family. I hadn't been back to Bajor since I was stationed aboard the U.S.S. Wasatch a year ago. My close friends knew this and would not ask, but others, I just wished to avoid.

I think I was also reluctant to return to the ship because I knew I would have to sit through a long ceremony to welcome our new captain.

I was having a quiet homecoming dinner with Doctor Sisma and B'Liz, the Science officer, that evening. Sisma had replicated ingredients and then actually cooked us Angolian chicken with spaghetti. The spaghetti was a little bland to the taste of a Bajoran, but the chicken was to die for.

"Are you finished?" B'Liz asked from both of us at once, and grabbed the remainder of the spaghetti noodles with her bare fingers as if we had answered in the affirmative.

I used to be put-off by B'Liz's Klingon habits, but after knowing her so long, they didn't bother me much anymore. You sort of even expected her to do or say something disgusting.

"Wow, B'Liz, that's a large portion of spaghetti," Sisma commented in a warning tone.

"What of it?" B'Liz demanded her mouth half-full.

"Nothing," Sisma insisted, not wanting to offend the Klingon. "I just think that's an awful lot of carbohydrates for this late in the day."

B'Liz muttered something in Klingon and continued eating.

I sat back with a glass of Romulan ale and stared out the window at the stars.

"It's probably about time we headed to the shuttle bay to welcome Captain Paris," Sisma reminded.

I rolled my eyes. B'Liz shoved her plate away in a disgruntled manner and got up from the table. Sisma and I followed suit. We arrived to greet the captain together. Most everyone was already there. We got there just in time for Captain Paris to start her speech. She seemed an overly happy woman with curly, dark hair. She offered condolences first of all for the loss of Captain Kami in that fight with the Ring-Bearers. Yes, we lot many crewmates to those Ring-Bearers.

I let my eyes wander during the rest of the speech. I saw many familiar faces. Then I caught sight of a new one. He was human and had the pinkest lips I had ever seen on any species.

"Sisma, who's that?" I whispered to the doctor.

She looked where I was indicting and said, "Who?"

"The guy standing with Chief Engineer Dustin," I told her.

"Oh, that's Lt. Comm. Josh, the New operations officer," Sisma told me.

"He's replacing... Don't tell me. That one guy with the hair?" I asked, miming a large hairdo.

"Lt. Comm. Kwan, yes," Sisma laughed.

"I need every one of you to do you best," Captain Paris said. "And together, I'm sure we'll discover strange new worlds and new civilizations and boldly go where no woman, or man, has gone before."

We all clapped. The captain came down from the podium and walked through the crowd. We all stood at attention, and then followed her to the mess hall for her reception.

"The first time I castrated a targ, I was twelve," B'Liz told me after a great deal of blood wine. "My father handed me a knife and set me loose in a heard of them. I was able to wrestle one to the ground in an instant. While I straddled the beast to keep him down, I pulled out the knife, cut open the scrotum, reached in and-"

"Lina!" someone called.

"Yes," I answered instantly, glad to be interrupted.

The Chief Engineer, Dustin, came over with Josh at his side.

"I wanted you to meet Lt. Comm. Josh," Dustin introduced. "He and I served together aboard the Stockholm."

"Hey, nice to meet you," Josh shook my hand.

I just smiled and nodded. I think Josh and I talked for a good deal of time, though I can't recall anything that was said. I just kept thinking that his lips were too pink.

I returned to my quarters that night to see my roommate, Abelista, was already back and in bed. I didn't want to wake her since I was pretty sure she had an early shift in transporter room two the next morning.

I knelt in front of a small alter I had and began to thank the prophets when I heard the beep tone that signified someone was at my door. I got up and went over to the door. It whooshed aside to reveal Jala, the Trill security chief.

"Oh, my gosh!" She laughed, walking passed me into my quarters. "You won't believe what just happened. Ok, so I was talking with Colban at the reception. He thought it would be a fun idea to go to the holodeck and make a snowman. I told him this childhood memory Jetri, one of my previous hosts, had where a girl stole a kiss from him in the snow. I don't know why I told him about it. I was so embarrassed I said anything. Colban promised he wouldn't steal a kiss, so we went. We built this snowman. He was so cute!"

"Colban?" I asked.

"No, the snowman," Jala said in disgust as she made herself comfortable on my bed. "Gee-wiz! How many times must I tell you that Colban and I are just friends?"

I nodded, trying to believe her.

"So he walked me back to my quarters, and I came here," Jala finished. "How was your night?"

I shrugged. "I met the new Operations Officer."

"How was that?" Jala asked with hope in her eyes.

I shrugged again. "He has really pink lips."

"Is that good or bad?" Jala asked.

I shrugged once more. I plopped down beside her on my bed. "I don't know what's up with me recently. I almost feel like I want to like somebody, but I just don't."

"I'm sorry," Jala tried to be comforting.

"It's fine," I insisted. "I need to go to bed."

"All right," Jala said, standing. "I'll probably be up for a while. There's this holodeck program I've been wanted to check-out. See ya."

After Jala left, I lay in my bed awake and stared at the stars. I had lots of friends, so why did I feel so alone?

A/N: My life is pretty boring, eh? Oh, the thing about Kami being killed by the Ring-Bearers is a joke to my fellow Wasatchers. Kami got married.


	2. Entreaty of a Friend

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Satr Trek characters, or Enterprise, Voyager or Deep Space Nine. But the concept of the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, a couple of the names in this story are actually screen names of my friends, so I don't own them either. 

A/N: As a reminder, this is a weird version of the Star Trek world, because it's based from my life. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Two: Entreaty of a Friend

I had a dull shift in the astrometrics lab. It seemed like everything was just plot, reasearch, categorize, and record all day. There wasn't much to see. There was a new guy in astrometrics, which was one thing that caught my attention. He's a Vulcan. I didn't ask his name. Maybe I should have.

After my shift, I decided to spend some leisure time in the mess hall, studying the words of the Kai. I heard my name and looked up. It was Darren, the human ship's councilor. 

"What are you doing?" He asked with his usually boyish smile.

"Reading the words of the Kai," I told him, setting my data pad on the table. "Want to join me?"

"Sure, I would love to hear the words of the Kai," Darren sat down, looking completely serious.

"No, I just meant to talk," I told him.

"Why, is there something you wanted to talk about?" He asked, putting on a professional air.

I was sure he would have been glad to listen to my problems, but I really didn't want to talk about my depression- or what seemed to be depression. I didn't really feel depressed, but I wasn't really happy. "I don't have anything really to say," I shrugged, looking out the window.

"Oh," Darren seemed almost disappointed. "Lt. Bryce is giving a classical concert tonight. Are you going?"

"I don't think so," I told him. "I'm not much for classical. I'll probably be bored."

"Oh, come on," he insisted. "You may end up liking it. Maybe we can get some of your friends to come too. The doctor, B'Liz, Ja-"

I started chuckling a bit. He looked at me in bewilderment until I explained, "You aren't going to get that Klingon to go to classical concert."

"You never know," Dallin said, always full of optimism.

I just shook my head at him.

"If we can convince her to go, will you come too?" He asked.

I knew B'Liz would never go, so I agreed. The two of us left the mess hall and went to B'Liz's quarters. She answered immediately. Sisma was on her bed petting her pillow and reading.

"I've just made some Gak," B'Liz declared.

"No, thanks," I responded.

"I wasn't offering," she laughed. 

I shrugged it off and continued, "There's a classical concert tonight. Do you want to go?"

"Classical what?" she asked.

"Music," Darren chimed in. "Lt. Bryce is going to play selections from Earth, Bajor, Vulcan, and Terellia Prime."

"Music of the p'tak," B'Liz insisted, waving the idea away with her hand.

Darren stepped into the room. Instantly, a growling noise came from Sisma's direction.

"What's that?" He asked instantly.

"Oh, it's Jalapino, my wolf," Sisma said, petting the furry pillow she was leaning against.

"It doesn't look like a wolf," Darren stepped forward for a better look, but backed off when the growling got louder.

"It's a Rascalian Wolf," Sisma told him as if that should explain everything.

"Oh," Darren muttered, still confused. "Do you want to come to the concert?"

"Can't," Sisma shrugged. "I have to be on duty in five minutes."

"I'm not going either," B'Liz blurted, walking over to her plate of Gak on the table. 

"Oh, come on," Darren pleaded. "Get out and socialize with the crew. It will be fun."

B'Liz turned her eyes to me. "What do you think?"

I'm sure I looked incriminating. I didn't want to go either. I looked to Darren, who smiled at me.

"I guess we should go," I muttered.

B'Liz looked from one of us to the other. I think she was about to agree when Jala and an ensign from security came in.

"There you are, Lina," Jala greeted. "Sara wants us to teach her how to play black jack. B'Liz, you should play, too."

"Or we could all go to the concert," Darren posed for consideration.

Jala and Sara promptly declined. Jala went off on reasons we shouldn't go. B'Liz and I lost our already shakey interest in the idea.

"All right," Darren muttered. "I just didn't want to go by myself."

Darren left the quarters. Jala began setting up the game at B'Liz's table. I stood, staring after Darren. I felt guilty, like I had let him down.

"I changed my mind," I told my companions. "I'm going to the concert. B'Liz, do you want to come?"

B'Liz seemed doubtful for a moment and then agreed. We ran and caught up with Darren in the corridor. Darren was happy we had decided to go. When we were almost there, and B'Liz was kind of ahead of us, Darren turned to me and said, "Thanks."

I was surprised by a feeling I had that moment. His gratitude made me not only feel good, but it made me blush. Now, why would I blush because an old friend thanked me?

A/N: 


	3. The Odd Couple

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisna don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Three: The Odd Couple

I had a dream about Malk last night. I drempt that he hadn't left the ship, and we were talking in his old quarters. It was nice since in the dream, I had no feelings for him. It made me sad when I woke up because I know that if Malk did come back to the Wasatch, I would still care for him. That's why I'm glad he left.

I was rather distracted during my duty shift, so when the warning light on my console started flashing, I didn't take notice. It caused a light explosion which burnt the skin off my fingers. I stumbled back, holding my hand. It stung like crazy.

Lt. Comm. Andrannon contacted Engineering to have my console repaired. She proceeded to give me a lecture on my duty and paying more attention. Oddly enough, I was too distracted by my disfigured fingers to really listen to her very much. Finally, she ordered me to sickbay. 

Sisma is the sweetest doctor ever. You can really tell she cares because she seems to almost feel your pain. Then she starts telling you stories of having simular injuries.

"Once when I was young," Sisma began as she regenerated my skin cells, "my friend Litva's mother, who's a psycho-freak, told us all we had to rub the moss off of all the trees nearby to make her favorite soup. She was getting really mad that we were taking so long. All we had to rub the moss off with was our hands, though. It was nightfall before we had enough moss for the soup, and our hands were stinging because we had rubbed our skin off on those trees. That woman was a psycho-freak."

Sisma turned to put the regenerator back on the table. I caught a glimpse of the elegant bun she had put her metalic-silver hair into. I wished I could do something to make myself look more elegant. I found myself to appear rather ordinary. It suited me. I was ordinary. 

That evening, I considered doing the report that Andrannon wanted by 0800 hours, but I really didn't feel like it. I decided instead to see what Sisma and B'Liz were doing. When I arrived at their quarters, B'Liz was playing Katis-kot at the table, and Sisma was sitting on her bed and petting Jalapino. 

"Lina! I have to show you what I got from my mom," Sisma exclaimed at seeing me.  
I went over and sat with her. As I petted the wolf, he began to hum a pleasent melody.

"Look, look!" She said, handing me a sparkly eyemask. "Smell it!"

I took it and held it up to my nose. It resembled the scent of Lavender and something else I couldn't identify. I wasn't exactly sure why anyone would want a smelly eyemask. Maybe it was supposed to be soothing. I would find it distracting myself. 

"How is you hand?" She asked, taking the eyemask back.

"Good," I told her.

"No, don't move there!" She warned B'Liz.

B'Liz growled and moved there anyway. Sisma stuck her tongue out at the Klingon. I stifled a laugh, seeing the Chief Medical Officer acting like a child. She was Vegan, after all. They were known for being in touch with their child within. It makes the race quite endearing.

The computer won which made B'Liz snarl. Sisma smirked in an "I told you so" kind of way. 

There was the beep tone from the door.

"Come in," Sisma called. 

There was no answer. Confused, Sisma got up from the bed and walked over to the door. On the floor in front of the door lay a pink envelope.

"Someone replicated some paper," Sisma said, reaching down to pick it up. "It says commander on the front. Which do they mean? We're both commanders."

"It's for you," B'Liz assured her.

Sisma shook her head. "I don't think it's for me." She opened the envelope and looked over it. "They want one of us to meet them for dinner."

"It's for you," B'Liz repeated.

"I don't think so," Sisma said. "It's signed Lt. Roberta of Science."

"It's for me," B'Liz rushed over and grabbed the envelope from her. 

"I told you it wasn't for me," Sisma shrugged, returning to her bed.

"Someone is inviting you to dinner?" I asked.

"Don't sound so surprised," B'Liz shot at me. "You think I have no other friends than you?"

I looked to Sisma, who shrugged.

"I think I'll order some Gak," B'Liz muttered, savoring the idea.

"I think you need a more balanced diet, B'Liz," Sisma advised.

"I eat a balanced diet," B'Liz insisted.

"Yeah, some Gak in each hand," Sisma chuckled.

B'Liz walked over and smacked the back of Sisma's head. 

"Ouch!" Sisma exclaimed, reaching her hands to the back of her head. "You messed up my hair. I guess that wouldn't be an 'ouch', then, huh?"

I just laughed at the two of them.

A/N: 


	4. Emotions Come Easily

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisna don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Four: Emotions Come Easily

I had trouble sleeping, so it was no wonder that I dozed off in the department meeting the next morning. The cause for surprise was that I had managed to get away with it in loo of a scolding by Andrannon.

An Engineer was sent to repair my work station. I knew him somewhat as Lt. Hitchcock. It took him a couple hours to repair the console, during which he made casual conversation with me. 

"A malfunction in the induction relay seems to have caused an overload in the heat inverters," he explained as if I had any idea what he was talking about. "Your warning light should have gone off in time for you to correct the malfunction."

"It did," I told him, a little embarrassed. "I just wasn't paying attention."

"Just trying to get out of doing work, huh?" He asked, flashing a handsome smile.

I found myself smiling back in spite of myself.

"I wonder how you can do work with so much talking going on," Andrannon said, appearing just behind me.

Hitchcock's expression went serious and he went back to fixing the console.

"Don't forget to give me a report of the procedure before you leave," Andrannon reminded.

"I'll be writing a report for Engineering when I get back," Hitchcock told her, pausing his work a moment.

"And you'll be writing one for me before you leave," Andrannon sneered at him and then went back to her station.

"Dang it!" He muttered. "I'll have replicate an extra data pad."

"Don't bother. I have one," I insisted, handing him a data pad that I had. 

"Thanks," he said, taking it from me with a large smile. "That's great."

He got me to smile again just by smiling at me. He was a very handsome man, even though I didn't think he was really the kind I go for. But no guy would be Malk.

I was walking back to my quarters after my shift when I saw Lt. Whitley of Engineering. She always had the largest smile and had long, blonde hair. I wonder how someone can always be happy.

"How's it going, Lina?" She asked happily, starting my way. "Amazing?"

"Not amazing," I shrugged. "But ok."

"What have you been up to?" Whitley said, still incredably happy. 

"Trying to figure out life," I muttered.

"That's a good use of time," Whitley commented. "Have you figured anything out yet?"

"I think I've been compairing all guys to Malk, and that's why I don't like anybody," I told her.

"That happens," Whitley insisted. "I do the same thing with Dustin. What happened with Malk, anyway?"

I took a breath. "He thought it best if we kept to a professional relationship. It was really hard to see him every day and know that I couldn't do anything to get him back. The next time we really talked, aside from random orders and polite greetings, was when he said goodbye."

"I think it went pretty close to the same way with me and Dustin," Whitley told me, still smiling but sounding a little sad. "Except he's still here, and I work with him every day."

How come she had her heartack worse than mine, but she still kept on smiling? I never understood how some people could be always so happy. I was headed in the direction, so I stopped by sickbay. B'Liz was there doing some biological research on Sisma's work station. I walked over to Sisma and greeted her indifferently.

"Hello, Lina," she said pleasently. "How was your day?"

I shrugged. Two Engineers entered with a plastic container. The second Sisma caught sight of the large box, a smile spread across her face and she began to jump up and down excitedly. The Engineers set the box on the floor

"Where would you like it, Doctor?" One of them asked.

"Just leave it here!" Sisma exclaimed, running over to the box and hugging it like a child at Christmas time hugs his favorite gift.

The Engineers smirked wryly and left.

"What is it?" I asked.

Sisma didn't answer. She pulled the top off the container and sat cross-legged next to it. Her face lit up as she reached inside and pulled out a dural regenerator.

"Medical supplies?" I asked, holding back a laugh. "You're excited to get a shipment of medical supplies?" 

B'Liz chuckled.

"These aren't any kind of medical supplies," Sisma insisted. "They're high quality, tritanium equiptment. They'll last until I retire, or longer. And, oh! Oh! Indedrazine!"

She pulled out a vile of maroon liquid. "It's no good for cramps, but it works great for sprains. And I should know since I've sprained my ankle how many times because of B'Liz?"

"It was never my fault," B'Liz protested. "You're clumsey and you trip over your own feet."

"What about the time you did that Klingon move on me?" Sisma demanded.

"You were clumsey and tripped over my foot," B'Liz insisted, folding her arms.

"You spun me over your foot," Sisma accused, standing up and pointing at the Klingon who was two feet taller than her. "Those other times, you cursed me. Every time I get hurt, it's your fault. It's your violent thoughts."

"I'm dreaming of blood," B'Liz said randomly with a happily pensive look on her face.

Sisma gave me a funny smile and returned her attention to the box.

"What do you want for dinner, B'Liz?" Sisma asked as she began to put the medical supplies away.

"What did I just say? Blood!" B'Liz reminded.

"You know what I want, shish kebob," Sisma savored the words, and then cast a suspicious glance at B'Liz. "Maybe not. I don't think I want to give you a skewer."

"Why not? They're sharp and pointy, and you poke things with them," B'Liz grinned.

"Exactly," Sisma proved her point.

I shook my head. I couldn't believe how fast they skipped from one topic to another. As I thought of my eccentric friends, I convinced myself that this was the reason I liked to be around them. It was their complete randomness, their craziness and how they made me forget everything in my life that was wrong. 


	5. Tragedy of Life

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Five: Tragedy of Life

I saw Darren on my way to Astrometrics that morning. I recognized his walk. He has a very distinct walk that you can see even if he's several meters in front of you. I wondered whether or not I should go catch up to him and say hi. I hadn't seen him much lately. I thought it would be a good idea, but I didn't do it. I just watched him until I reached Astrometrics, and he continued on to his office. 

I stared at my work station as if I was waiting for something to happen. What was I waiting for? I'm not exactly sure. I was just hesitating, dreading.

"Get to work, Lt. Shay!" Andrannon shouted over at me.

I followed directions and walked over to my work station. I looked at the screen and control pad with glazed-over eyes. I don't know how the thought came now and never had before, but I realized that moment that I hated my work. I had always hated it. In the academy, I hated my astrometrics classes. I only continued because it was all I was good at. But I hated it. 

I went to the mess hall for lunch and saw that Vulcan sitting there, the one whose name I wanted to ask for. He was with a big Denobulan. I stood there staring for a moment as if I expected him to notice me and come over. He didn't look up from the Denobulan. I just shook my head and left the mess hall.

When I got back to my quarters, sobs began to cholk me. I sat on my bed, trying to hold it all in. I didn't want to let it go. What if my roommate was there? What if she heard? I could no longer hold it back. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I let out fast, loud sobs. My entire body was shaking. My head began throbbing and my stomach got queezy. It was making me ill, but I couldn't stop. I had to gasp for every breath, afraid of suffocation. 

It stopped as randomly and quickly as it had begun. I tried to figure out the reason for it. Was it that I couldn't talk to that Vulcan? Was it that I didn't talk to Darren? Was it the fact that I had just realized that I hated the basis of my career? Maybe it was everything that had been going on inside me ever since I heard that my dad was in the Bajoran Militia Medical Facility three months ago. 

Suddenly, a hail came over the entire ship, "Hey, everybody. This is Captain Paris. Due to the increasing Ring-Bearer threat, everyone is hereby ordered by Starfleet Command to engage in battle exercizes to brush up on combat skills and all that. This little get-together is schedule for 1800 hours. Don't forget. Captain, out. See ya."

I whined and burried my face in my pillow. I barely passed gym at the academy.

Not only were all holodecks and athletic halls used for these exercizes, but also two of the main cargo bays. A minimal crew was left to take care of ship's functions while the rest of us endured the punishment of war games. I was assigned to cargo bay two, along with B'Liz and Sisma, to my relief. 

During the hand-to-hand combat section of training, B'Liz was put up against a human. Poor human. For a moment, he tried to do a martial arts move on her, but couldn't seem to throw her off balance. She just stood there with him tugging feverishly at her arm. B'Liz looked upon him as one would look upon a fly. She pulled her arm from his grip and back-handed him, sending him bleeding to the floor. Sisma instantly took out her tricorder and scanned him. He was fine, I'm sure. 

I was paired with a rather stout Ktarian male. He seemed pleasant enough, but when it came to combat, he was vicious. He took me completely off-guard and threw me to the ground. When he offered me a hand up, I told him I prefered to just lay there. 

We also had team phaser exercizes. Our phasers were put on a game setting which just knocks you off your feet with minimal pain. Sisma was so excited that she actually hit someone, she got distracted and was hit herself. I just ducked behind a cargo container and remained there until one side won the battle. 

The last part of the program was an hour of calisthentics. I got tired after thirty minutes and left the cargo bay before I should have. I returned to my quarters. I was glad that I got a letter, one good thing to happen this entire day. I opened the data file and read out loud.

"Dear Lina,  
I guess you're surprised to hear from me. We haven't seen each other since we graduated Starfleet Academy. I'll start with the good news. I have been promoted to Lieutenant Commander. Can you believe it? I always thought that of the three of us musketeers, it would be Shari to get ahead. I guess I went in a roundabout way to bring it up. I heard from Shari's mom. Her ship was on a trade mission to the Tarlac system when it was attacked by the Ring-Bearers. Shari didn't make it. I know we will all grieve in our own way. But if you need anything, let me know.  
Love Kelsa."

I am forlorn. May the prophets guide Shari's soul. 


	6. The Wonder of Life

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Six: The Wonder of Life

All during my shift that morning, I kept wondering how I got myself into this life. I knew I wasn't what Starfleet wanted. I didn't care about my job. I didn't care about exploring. I wasn't self-motivated. I wondered if I should have been a civilian, if I should be a civilian. I wondered about leaving Starfleet.

I was sitting by myself, reading some astrometrics report in the mess hall, when Hitchcock came up. He asked if he could sit down and I said he could. 

"How's your console doing?" Hitchcock asked.

"It's fine now, thanks," I told him.

"And how's working with that crazy Hiliian chick?" Hitchcock smiled.

I laughed a little. "Andrannon is tolerable."

I noticed he had a datapad in his hand and I asked about it. He looked at is as if he hadn't realized it was there. He had to read a little bit before he could answer.

"Oh, it's information about Bajor," he told me.

I sat there and stared at him. For a moment, I was flattered he had interest in my people until he added, "The captain said if I'm going to transfer to the Deep Space Nine, I should know what I'm getting myself into."

"You're transfering to Deep Space Nine?" I asked in surprise.

He nodded as if it wasn't a big deal. Why was it such a big deal? I didn't know him well enough to like him, or did I? 

After a nice conversation, I left the mess hall. I wanted to go see Sisma. She wasn't home, so I waited next to her door until she did arrive. She seemed happy to see me. She seemed happy in general, more than usual.

"Guess what?" She said as we entered her quarters. "We're approaching Vega. I'm going to go see a friend of mine. Do you want to come?"

"We're not going to orbit, so we won't be in transporter range," I told her, making sure she knew.

"No, we're taking a shuttle," Sisma insisted. 

"Has the captain cleared this?" I asked wearily.

"We only have to clear it with the captain if it disrupts our duty or if we use a starfleet shuttle," Sisma laughed and went over get some things packed.

"But I thought you said we were going to use a shuttle," I said, confused.

"Not a starfleet shuttle," Sisma rolled her eyes. "We're going to use Peter."

"Peter?" I repeated, not comprehending.

"When I transfered here, I brought my shuttlecraft with me," Sisma explained. "His name is Peter."

"Is he like your pillow?" I asked with suspicion. "Where it looks like an inanimate object, but it's really some strange animal from Rascalia."

"Peter is just a shuttlecraft," Sisma laughed at me. "But that doesn't mean he isn't alive." She went off into the other room. I was confused. Sometimes I wondered if she liked it when I was.

When B'Liz got off work, we all went to the shuttlebay. I was surprised when I saw Peter. He was a very old, yellow shuttlecraft. Sisma went in and started up the engines. 

"Oh, no!" She cried. "Peter is hurt!"

I waited for more information. 

"There's a power failure in one of the engines," Sisma said as she came out. "Does anyone know anything about fixing shuttle engines?"

"No," I muttered. "Can't we call someone?"

"I don't want to take anyone away from their duties," Sisma told me.

The vague thought of Hitchcock passed through my mind, but I shook it off. It would be a good idea, but I didn't know him well enough to ask him for favors. Darren, though, I knew long enough. I hit my communicator.

"Shay to Darren," I said.

"Yes, Lina?"

"Do you know anything about engines?" I asked.

"A little."

"Could you come to shuttlebay three?" I requested.

"On my way."

"Are you sure it's not a bother to him?" Sisma asked in concern.

"I'm sure he doesn't care," I insisted, not fully sure.

Darren came into the shuttlebay a few moments later with a datapad in his hand. "So what's wrong with it?"

"There's a power failure in the engines," Sisma told him.

Darren played with his little datapad. "All right. I'm going to need an adjustable spanner and triaxilating modulator."

Sisma got them from her shuttle's toolkit and handed the instruments to him. He looked over the datapad for a moment. 

"I need to get to the flow generator," he muttered. "And that's under the main engine case."

Darren looked down at the engine case blankly.

"Well?" B'Liz said impatiently.

"I don't think I can get to it," Darren admitted. "We might have to lift up this side of the shuttle."

"Are you crazy?" I blurted.

B'Liz rolled her eyes. She went over to the shuttle, braced her back against the hull and with a loud grunt, pushed the shuttle up to give him access to the underside of the engine case. Darren hurried over and got to work, fumbling with his datapad the whole time. 

"That ought to do it," Darren said, backing away from the shuttle.

"B'Liz, you can put the shuttle down now," I told her.

B'Liz gently let the shuttle rest the engine case. Sisma rushed inside and started up the shuttle. 

"It works," she shouted. "He did it."

Darren smiled boyishly and tapped the datapad against his hand.

"What is that?" I asked, indicating the datapad.

"Instructions," he said with a shrug.

I shook my head at him.

"Thank you!" cried Sisma. "I owe you cookies! Do you want to come with us? We're going to Vega."

"No, thank you," Darren insisted. "I have work to do."

B'Liz and I followed Sisma into the shuttle, and then we disembarked. The journey to Vega wasn't long, and we soon landed near a small house. Sisma led the way to the door and knocked. A woman with metalic silver hair answered. She hugged Sisma instantly.

"Hey, come in," she invited with a welcoming smile.

I liked the feel of the house instantly. It was different from the Starship or even Bajor. It had this lovely homey quality which invited one to be at ease. A small Vegan baby crawled over and stared up at me with silver-cobalt eyes. Sisma picked him up instantly.

"Oh, Jakom!" She cried, hugging him. "I've missed you so much."

B'Liz sat in a chair put her hands behind her head in a relaxed manner.

"Oh, Lina," Sisma began, remembering me standing there. "This is my friend, Laurna, and her baby, Jakom."

I smiled at the child. He was so cute. When Sisma put Jakom back on the floor, I sat down beside him and just enjoyed watching him play with various toys. Sisma spent the time talking to Laurna about old times. A man came in not very long after we arrived. He had copper hair and carried a strange dead animal over his shoulder.

"Bem, we have company," Laurna told him. "Did you catch enough for everyone?"

"Probably," he said simply.

Laurna rolled her eyes at him.

Laurna cooked the meal while Bem sat and worked with some leather material. He seemed like a very quiet man. It was such a peaceful place. I didn't wonder why Sisma wanted to come here whenever she was in the system.

"Bem," Laurna began after we had eaten. "It's your turn to give him a bath." 

"I did it last night," Bem reminded.

"Are you sure?" Laurna asked doubtfully.

Bem just nodded.

Laurna picked up Jakom where he was smacking down the block sculptures I made. I resented that she took away my playmate. Laurna took Jakom to the other room. 

"We should head back to the Wasatch," Sisma said.

I didn't want to leave, but I knew Sisma was right.

"Thanks, Laurna, for dinner and for tolerating us," Sisma called into the other room.

"Any time!" Laurna called back.

We said goodbye to Bem and all went back to the shuttle. I watched the little house out the window of the shuttle and wondered if I would ever have a life like that. 

A/N: Just so everyone knows, my friends think my story is hilarious. Mostly because it's about them, but anyway. If you don't think it's funny, it might have to do with the fact that you don't really know these people. That's bad writing on my part. But from the beginning, I said this was a story for my benefit and the entertainment of my friends. So I really don't care who does and doesn't like it. Reveiw or don't. I couldn't care less. 


	7. A Little More Life

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Seven: A Little More Life

I didn't get up when the computer woke me for my shift. I just went back to sleep. I slept-in to a deliciously late hour. I think the rest did me good, because I actually felt content when I got out of bed. I took some time for myself, reading the words of the Kai. I even indulged in a fiction novel about a girl in a prision camp during the occupation of Bajor. She reluctantly falls in love with a Cardassian prision guard who turned out to be an undercover member of the Bajoran Militia surgically altered to look Cardassian. I was surprised.

I felt guilty about not going to my shift, so I opened a com-link to Andrannon and told her I was planning on going to sickbay. I didn't say that I felt better than ever or that I was only going to sickbay to hang out with Sisma.

Deciding that I had better do something more than lounge around in my pajamas, I took a long sonic shower. I replicated a terran orange for breakfast because that's what I felt like eating. After savoring every bite, I went to sickbay. 

B'Liz was standing there with her arms folded in a foreboding way while Sisma attended a patient. Randomly, I punched B'Liz playfully in the arm. B'Liz looked down on me with an eyebrow raised. I put up my fists in a chalanging way. A smirk showed off her yellow, Klingon teeth as she unfolded her arms. I punched her again on the shoulder. She made a slight movement which caused me to jumped back. B'Liz laughed. The two of us fought playfully for a moment. I could tell B'Liz wasn't even trying to put any sort of force behind her punches or I would have been Sisma's next patient. 

When Sisma got off duty, we all when back to their quarters. Sisma looked about at the floor, which was covered in feathers. 

"You need to clean up your feathers, B'Liz," Sisma told her, and then turned to me. "Did you knwo Klingon's mult?"

"Only when out food gets away from us," B'Liz explained.

"Which seems to happen quite often," Sisma giggled.

"Are you questioning my prowess as a warrior?" B'Liz shot at her warningly.

Before Sisma could answer, B'Liz grabbed a belt sitting nearby and began to whip to at Sisma.

"Don't whip me!" cried Sisma, reaching for her own weapon which happened to be a tricorder. 

"What, are you going to scan me to death?" B'Liz laughed.

B'Liz whipped the belt at Sisma, who blocked with the tricorder. Sisma somehow got a hold on the end of the belt. She slapped the tricorder on the belt which made a lovely snapping sound.

"Ooh," Sisma cooed in excitement, slapping the tricorder on the belt a couple more times. "That sounds cool."

"You're going to break that," B'Liz said, pulling the belt out of Sisma's grip.

"You replicated a bird just to chase it around?" I asked, looking at the feathers.

"No," B'Liz looked at me as if I was an idiot. "I returned to Kronos last night for the annual to'baj slaughter. I brought one with me to continue to hunt."

"In our quarters," Sisma rolled her eyes. "Then there's those feet."

I looked where Sisma was indicating. A couple of bird-type feet where tied together with string, painted with pink blood and hung over the doorway. 

"I ditest those thing," Sisma muttered.

"The are the trophey of the hunter," B'Liz told her. "It is an honor to have the feet to of the to'baj hung in your home."

"We are now the most honorable house of to'baj," Sisma quipped.

"You dare disgrace this honor?" B'Liz shouted.

"I have mortally offended my roommate," Sisma said sadly. "The only honorable thing to do would be to kill her."

"Don't you mean kill yourself?" B'Liz asked, placing her hands on her hips.

"Nope," Sisma insisted. "I mean kill you. It's the ritual homocide. It's part of my culture"  
I was unsure of the situation for a moment. I was sure they would result to blows. Suddenly, B'Liz let out a hearty laugh, and I let out a sigh of relief.

After dinner found B'Liz laying on the floor with a glass of bloodwine in her hand. I was seated in a chair while Sisma was on her bed. Sisma appeared to be very tired. I stood up to get another glass of Altairian brandy when B'Liz grabbed my ankle. I smiled a little and tried to pull out of her grip. B'Liz was persistent. The more I pulled, the tighter she held on. Soon, I ended up on the floor trying to wrestle my leg from her while laughing my head off. 

The door's ring-tone sounded. Sisma bid them come in and Jala did. She paused for a moment when she saw me and B'Liz on the floor. She smiled a bit and said, "Ok." B'Liz finally let go of my leg and I got up.

"I should be getting to bed," I told them.

"Fine! Right when I get here," Jala feigned hurt. 

I smiled at them and returned to my quarters. 


	8. What I Don't Need Now

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Eight: What I Don't Need Now

I got excited when the Wasatch was called to settle a dispute in a Bajoran colony on Valo III. I was excited because this gave me the oportunity to attend a real service put on by a vedek instead of just praying to my shrine or reliving old sermons on the holodeck. I had to change a shift with Ensign Carvey so I could go. A number of Bajorans aboard Wasatch also wished to go, so we took a shuttle together. 

A normally destitute colony was bustling with Bajorans from several nearby ships. As I sat in the temple, partaking of the calm atmosphere, I caught glimpse of a girl. She was a little younger than I was and was very pretty. More than that, she was familiar. I had the sense that I had met her before. Just barely after the service began, she looked back and smiled. For a moment, I thought she was looking at me. Then, to my horror, a tall man with dark hair walked by and sat with her. I didn't need to see his face in it's entirety to recognize him. It was Malk.

Instantly, my breath got caught in my throat and my heart started pounding. I couldn't believe he was here. I had never expected to see him again. I had said good-bye, moved on. I thought I would never have to deal with these feelings again. I wanted to start crying in the middle of the service. I don't even recall what devine message the vedek had presented, because I couldn't stop thinking, worrying. 

As soon as the service was over, I fully intended to leave the temple and beam up to the Wasatch. The people on either side of me lingered, though. I couldn't seem to get by them because of how close the rows were. By the time things were clear enough to get out, I found myself standing face-to-face with Malk. I didn't let my eyes linger on him long. I could hardly stand to look at that face I had love so dearly. 

"Hi," he said as if it was nothing at all, as if we talked everyday, as if he hadn't broken my heart.

I forced a vague smile across my face to ecknowledge that I saw him. Quickly, I pushed passed more people and ran out of the temple. I kept running until I was in a secluded place. I sat on the ground and panted, and cried, and gasped, and sobbed. After I was calm again, I beamed aboard the Wasatch.

B'Liz offered to cook us dinner. All three of us were pretty quiet, even when B'Liz heaped the torghud gagh on our plates. I poked the squirming food with my fork absently. Sisma sipped her kava juice. B'Liz ate the gagh with her hands and slurped it up.

I headed back to my quarters where I was caught by Darren.

"Hello," he greeted with his boyish smile.

"Hi," I groaned.

"How are you doing?" He asked, looking a little concerned.

"Fine, considering I saw Malk today," I muttered.

Darren nodded knowingly.

"I would have been absolutely fine never seeing him again," I told him with downcast eyes.

Now, I don't mean any disrespect to Darren because he is one of my best friends, but the next half hour found him rambling about his personal feelings. I don't want to mislead you, but I don't want to reveal confidences. Let's just say that he related to me circumstances of a previous relationship and the feelings related thereto. This not being the first time I heard this monologue, I found my mind wandering a bit. When it reached a certain late hour, I had to interupt him.

"Go to bed, Darren," I commanded.

"Did I say something that offended you?" He asked worriedly.

"No, it's just late," I told him, "and you've been talking for a half an hour."

"You could have told me earlier," Darren insisted. "You need to learn to be more asertive."

"This is me being asertive. Go to bed." With that, I went into my quarters and let the door close between us.

I tossed and turned much of the night. I kept thinking about Malk and how I had ignored him. I played the moment over and over in my head. Finally, I flung my blanket off and went over to my computer console. I began to compose a letter.

"Dear Malk,

I have been beating myself up since I saw you on Valo III. I am so sorry for the aloof way I acted. It was rather a surprise to see you there. I hadn't expected to have your presence thrust upon me when I was under the impression that our paths would never again cross. Feelings I had burried and ignored surfaced with avengence. I didn't quite know how to handle it. This is no excuse for the childish way I ran away. I handled the situation poorly. I have never been able to master my feelings when you were around or when you were even mentioned. I tend to act like a fool around you. With all my heart, I wish to get over you and perhaps be friends as you wanted us to be. I just don't quite have it in me to think of you casually yet. I am again sorry for the way I acted.

Sincerely yours,

Lina Shay."

I looked over the letter several times. When I decided I was happy with the wording, I saved the file as Malk. I nodded to myself and walked over to my bed. 

When I was under my clank and staring in the darkness, I called out to the computer desperately, "Computer, delete file entitled Malk."

"File has been deleted," was the responce.

I was able to sleep again.

A/N: I would like to appologize for my previous misspellngs of gagh. 


	9. Never Argue With A Hormonal Klingon

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Nine: Never Argue with a Hormonal Klingon

"Men should be..." I began as I lay on B'Liz's bed. I tried to think of some cruel punishment to bestow upon them. 

"Shot!" B'Liz finished for me.

"No," I muttered. "Put into cages for all of us women to look at and say 'Awh, how cute!'"

"And then shot!" B'Liz said with a smirk.

I looked across the room where she sat working at her computer console. "Don't you want some big, strong warrior to kill a targ for you and give you its heart or something?"

"No," she said in disgust. "I would rather do it myself."

I smiled a little. 

"I'm tired," I muttered.

"It's only three o'clock," Sisma told me. "What have you done today? Hard shift in astrometrics?"

I shrugged. "Andrannon made me re-do a report because it wasn't done to her satisfaction. I did some scanning and categorizing. Nothing too strenuous."

"Have been having low energy a lot lately?" Sisma asked as if she was evaluating a patient.

"Story of my life," was my reply.

"Let me see your nails!" Sisma demanded.

I held out a hand to her and she examined the nails thoroughly. "Uhuh. You have a deficiency, probably iron. See how your nail isn't quite smooth."

I had noticed before that my nails weren't very smooth. I thought it was normal. 

"What's my nail mean?" B'Liz asked, shoving a disfigured nail at Sisma with pride.

"Looks like you burnt yourself with a phaser a couple months ago," Sisma diagnosed.

"Wrong!" B'Liz shouted, snatching her hand away. "Punched a wall when I got mad at Lt. Raymond."

"You punched a wall?" I asked.

"I should have just punched Lt. Raymond," B'Liz mused. "It would have made me feel better. I don't know why I didn't."

"Because you would have been put on report," I reminded. "And you're smart, despite the fact you're Klingon."

B'Liz growled.

A/N: This is a mega short chapter, but my life in progressing faster than I can write chapters. Therefore, it's going to be a bit jumbled for a while. 


	10. After Death

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Ten: After Death

I found a message waiting on my computer when I got back to my quarters after work. I told the computer to play the message. A vulcan appeared on my screen.

"Lt. Shay. It had come to my attention that I have not taken the opportunity to contact many of my former comrads from the Academy. I shall rectify this where you are concerned. I have been well and hope you have been as well. Feel free to brief me on the recent events which have occured in your life."

I sat back and stared at the screen, feeling a little confused. Yes, I was at the Academy at the same time as Ston, but we weren't great friends. I saw him in a couple of my classes, we had a short conversation now and then, and we once had a drink together. I was actually attracted to him, but I got nothing from him. He didn't seem interested. He is Vulcan, though.

Why, of all people, would he contact me? I decided to respond.

"Hey, Ston. I was a little surprised to get a meassage from you, considering how close friends we... weren't." I paused to think of what else to say. "But, hey, if you want to know what's going on with me, I guess I don't mind telling you. In the career area, I feel like a fish out of water. Did I ever tell you why I chose Astrometrics, because I can't remember anymore. In friendship, I have some great friends here. They'd make you laugh... Or not, since you're Vulcan." 

I paused again to laugh awkwardly. "Uh, in the guy area, I'm lacking... a guy, that is. I'm a little too single. Beyond that, not much is going on..." I found my mind wandering to Shari. I didn't think Ston had known her. His loss. 

"I sometimes wonder why I chose Starfleet. I don't really fit." I shrugged. "Call again when you have the time." 

I stopped the recording and sat back in my chair. After a moment or two, I sent the message. Then I got up to see what Sisma and Liz were up to.

The moment I walked into the room, Sisma said, "Steve died."

I stared at her, not exactly sure how I was supposed to react.

"You remember Steve," Sisma insisted. "You met him on shoreleave. He fixed my computer console. We served together aboard the Reeder."

"And he died?" I asked, just to make sure I heard right.

"Yup," Sisma said matter-of-factly. "The Ring-Bearer's got him. Can you hand me that datapad?"

I took the pad she indicated and handed it to her.

"I'm going to get Steve a really nice Death present because he's done so much for me," Sisma told me as she imputed some data on the pad.

"Death present?" I asked in confusion.

"What would you give a really close friend for him to take to the next life?" She mused.

"An empty plate," B'Liz spoke up from where she stood by the replicator.

We both looked at her in question.

"If in the next life, the empty shell is filled with the spirit, then in the next life, an empty plate would be filled with food," B'Liz insisted.

I tried not to laugh. This was a tragic time for Sisma.

"I envy him," she sighed. "To die so soon. I wish I had been so lucky."

"It was a good day to die," B'Liz agreed.

I just had to gawk at the two of them. How could they be so calm. A man was killed, a man we all knew. 

"Would you use a crystal clock if you were dead?" Sisma wondered alloud.

"No!" I shouted.

B'Liz and Sisma stared at me in confusion.

"Is it just not clear to you that Steve is dead? He was murdered by the Ring-Bearers," I said slowly and loudly. "Aren't you mad? Aren't you upset?"

"He died in battle," B'Liz said. "An honorable death. He will go to Stovocore."

"Just because his life is over, doesn't mean he won't live again," Sisma explained. "Don't you believe in life after death?"

"Yes, but he's-"

"I don't understand why some species fear death so," Sisma muttered. "In my culture, death is a happy time. We are glad that our friends have moved on."

I didn't know what to say. 


	11. Music From Above

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Eleven: Music from Above

Time passed and there was no word from Ston. It was beginning to bother me. Sisma asked me to go to the Funeral with her. She showed up all in black, saying, "I read up on human death rituals since Steve was human. Look, I'm all in black." She said this with a big smile, which make me shake my head at her.

The captain of the Reeder got up and gave the eulogy. It was nice, talking about his good qualities and contributions. When the captain gave the order to eject the casket, Sisma yelled really loudly, "Wait"  
The captain stopped the sequence as Sisma ran forward with a nicely-wrapped box. She made them open the casket so she could give her present to him. Indignatly, she returned to where I was standing.

"Can you believe they almost didn't let me give him his present?" She muttered. 

The entire congegation stared at her.

"What?" She asked. "If I had known you were going to throw his body out the nearest porthole after the eulogy, I would have given my present to him earlier. You may go ahead with your human ceremony now."

I think that Vegans have a healthier way of looking at death. 

When we had returned to the ship, I went to my quarters for a nap. I stopped at my door when I heard the faint music of the ballaclavion. It was my favorite Bajoran intrument. I started to follow the music down the hall until I came to the entrance to a jefferies tube. I climbed inside and continued to follow the music until I came upon a junction where a human male sat in civilian clothes playing a ballaclavion. He wasn't finished and I did not wish to interrupt, so I just watched for a moment. He had a soft facial structure covered in a black, neatly-trimmed beard. His eyes were dark and intense. 

When he noticed me sitting there, he stopped playing and looked at me.

"Come to stone me?" He asked. "I suppose I have offended you with the shoddy playing of a Bajoran hymn."

"Not at all," I laughed. "I thought you were really good. Do you mind if I ask why you're playing a ballaclavion in a jefferies tube?"

"Good acoustics," he said, tapping on the wall. "Besides, it bothers my roommate. I sought out this nicely-ventilated place so I could bother the entire ship. It's more fun." 

I laughed again. "It was kind of weird to hear distant Bajoran music."

"Thought the prophets were calling you?" He asked with a handsome smile. 

"Something like that," I smiled back.

"So, how have you been?" He asked as if we were old friends.

"Tolerable," I shrugged.

"That's not good," he seemed genuinely concerned. "Why doing so poorly?"

"Ever feel like everything's against you?" I asked. "Like every time you start to feel all right with life, something comes along to pull you back down."

"Funny, I never got the Make Life Harder for Lina memo," He said, putting the ballaclavion into its case. "I'm sorry you aren't getting along with life very well."

He had this strange look which made me feel like he really cared. Then it hit me that he had said my name.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, embarrassed. "I don't remember your name."

"You don't remember me at all," he smirked. "I'm Evans. You met me during shoreleave. You, me and Kaytee were the only ones who remained on the ship."

"Yes," I said, coming to the painful realization. "You're Kaytee's boyfriend."

He nodded.

"Perfect," I muttered to myself.

Evans and I talked a little while longer. He kept coming up with strange witticisms which made me laugh. Each moment being with him, I was more and more attracted to him. Before I forgot that he was taken and Kaytee was a friend, I decided to make an excuse and left. I went back to my quarters and shoved my face in my pillow.

Every time you start to feel all right with life, something comes along to pull you back down. 


	12. Love Notes

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter twelve: Love Notes

I ran into Hitchcock after my shift. He said he had been hoping to find me. When I asked him why, he just shrugged. We talked a little about Bajor. He had questions about the culture and the religion. 

"Do all Bajoran citizens read the words of the Kai?" Hitchcock asked after I told him I was studying them.

"No," I shrugged.

"Then why do you?" He asked in curiousity.

I stared ahead a moment, formulating my thoughts and feelings into words. Finally, I answered, "I have been pondering recently the idea of quitting Starfleet and becoming a vedek."

"Aren't vedeks those guys who wear those orange robes and walk around gardens like monks?" Hitchcock asked.

"What's a monk?" I retorted. "Nevermind. Vedeks are high religious leaders. It would take me a while to become one. There's a lot involved in the process."

"Go for it," Hitchcock said with a smile.

"It's not that simple," I insisted. "I have to be sure this is what the prophets want me to do. I'm waiting for a sign."

He waved to a random crewman as if he hadn't even been paying attention to me.

"I gotto go," he told me. "You should totally be a vedek, though. That would be so cool."

Then he walked off. He didn't understand a thing about Bajoran culture. I couldn't just suddenly be a vedek. It takes a great deal of commitment and the prophets have to call you to it. To the best of my knowledge, I hadn't been called. I was still waiting. Hitchcock needed to get more aquainted with Bajoran beliefs if he didn't want to offend anyone at Deep Space Nine. 

When I entered Sisma's quarters, she was doing some sort of research and B'Liz was fast asleep, sprawled out on her bed. I sat down next to Sisma. 

"How was you day?" I asked.

"I just want today to be over, but I don't want tomorrow to start," she sighed.

"I hear you," I muttered.

The door chimed suddenly. I got up to see who it was and had a plant and a package shoved into my face. 

"Give these to B'Liz."

Before I could get a look at the guy, he rushed off down the corridor.

"B'Liz, you got a dilivery!" Sisma shouted at her.

B'Liz lifted her head with a start and stared red-eyed at me for a moment. She jumped to her feet, ran over and looked at the card. She swore in Klingon.

"What's it say?" Sisma asked in anticipation.

"I sent you some gifts to say how I feel about you," B'Liz read. "Mush."

"Does it have a name or-" I began.

"It's from Lee," she grumbled and walked back over to her bed.

"Who's Lee?" I asked, walking over to sit next to Sisma.

"Don't ask?" B'Liz warned, rolling her eyes.

"This is an interesting plant," Sisma muttered, fingering a small pod . It sprang open and bit her, to which B'Liz laughed. Sisma examined her finger. I ran the plant over to the table before it could take a taste of me as well. I kept the small package. 

"What's this?" I queried, holding the box out to B'Liz for her to open.

She waved it away from her with a glare. 

"I'll open it!" Sisma offered, holding out her hands.

I gave the box to her. She tore off the wrapping and pulled off the top. She gasped in delight and pulled out a small, fuzzy ball.

"Awh! A tribble," she cooed.

It instantly started squeeling loudly. It was a reaction from its proximity to B'Liz. She hissed at it as we all covered our ears.

"Can I just eat it?" B'Liz shouted over the squeeling.

Sisma put the tribble back into the box and closed the lid. The noise stopped.

"He sent you biting flowers and a screeching fuzz ball," I said. "What kind of feeling is that supposed to convey?"

"He's a lunatic!" B'Liz shouted. "I'm going to kill him!"

There was a message waiting for me when I got back to my quarters. I told the computer to play the message. Ston appeared on the screen. 

"Lt. Shay, accept my apologies in regard to the length of time it took me to respond. I have been much engaged in a rather time-consuming mission," he stared off for a moment as if remembering his mission for a moment with annoyance. Then he contined, "I wanted to inquire if you had read Lockston's theory of moveable stars. If you had taken the opportunity to study his work, I wonder what your opinion is in regard to it. I will not disclose my own since I would not wish to influence yours."

I didn't think that I had read any sort of new astrological theories. Since I had realized the subject was not longer of interest to me, I discontinued any attempts to further my knowledge in the area. 

"It would be favorable for this correspondence to continue," Ston said, and then held up his hand in the typical Vulcan sign. "Live long and prosper."

The screen went black. I had to wonder if Ston could have a crush on me in a weird, Vulcan way. The idea delighted me, but I was not going to get my hopes up. I had liked him before. To like him again would be very easy, but I didn't want to take the risk unless I was sure he liked me. Until I got proof, I decided I would just enjoy corresponding with a friend. 


	13. The Journey

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter thirteen: The Journey

Sisma decided that replicated cheese just didn't have the right flavor. She wanted to take Peter back to Vega. It wasn't too far away, so I said I would go with her. We made it to Vega fine, and she found the cheese she wanted at a marketplace near her hometown. It was beginning to get late, though, so we started back. We were manuvering through an astroid belt when the engines stalled. 

"Why is it we never think of to bring an engineer on these trips?" I muttered as Sisma was looking over the systems.

She fired thrusters briefly, but only one came on and it sent us drifting toward an astroid. We both screemed. Sisma tried desperately to fire the other thruster, but it wouldn't come on. She fired the first thruster again just in time to astroid by a foot. She decided not to fire thrusters again.

"I don't know what to do," she breathed, covering her mouth with her hand. "We're dead in the water and Peter's communications have been down for a while."

I just stayed quiet. It was a trained responce. When I was young and my mom's transport would break down or we would get lost, my mom would tell us all to be quiet so she could think. Ever since then, I try my best to be quiet and calm in an emergency situation. 

Sisma was doing a diagnostic when suddenly someone beamed aboard.

"Are you all right?" asked Commander Jeff, the First officer of the Wasatch. 

"My engines aren't working," Sisma told him. 

Comander Jeff took a quick glance at the controls, then said, "We can repair this on the Wasatch. I'll tow you with the tractor beam on my shuttle."

"Oh, thank you!" Sisma cried.

Comander Jeff just smiled and beamed back to his own ship. The next thing we knew, he had put a tractor beam on us and was towing us. Sisma looked like she was about to cry.

"I was so scared," she told me.

I just nodded. I had been scared too. If Comander Jeff hadn't come along, we could heve been drifting for days before the Wasatch would come looking for us. They would miss their chief medical officer. I'm not sure how much I would be missed. 

Comander Jeff towed us into the shuttle bay and then left again. Sisma got out of the shuttle and stared off at his shuttle through the shuttlebay door. His ship went into warp.

"Where's he going?" Sisma asked desperately. "I wanted to thank him."

"He was probably on a mission," I shrugged. "That's why he was out. He had to go back to doing whatever he was doing."

"But I wanted to thank him," Sisma said, disappointed.

"You did already," I reminded.

"But I wanted to thank him again," she muttered.

"We can thank him when he gets back," I assured her.

We found pleasure in telling B'Liz that we had almost died. She just laughed at us.

I went back to my quarters.

"Computer, any messages sent over subspace?" I asked.

"Negative."

I went over to the replicator and asked for some Deka tea. After it materialized, I made myself comfortable in a plushy chair and sipped it. Abelista came out of the bathroom in a nice outfit

"Hey, Lina," she greeted indifferently. "How are you?"

"Good," I muttered. "Where are you going?"

"My friend Craig is taking me to the holodeck," she told me. "I'll see ya."

She left me alone in the quarters. I ended up taking a nap in the chair after a few moments. When I awoke, I called out instantly, "Computer, any messages?"

"Negative."

Why wasn't Ston contacting me? I bit my nail for a second. 

"Computer, start recording message for transmission to Starfleet Outpost 76, personal quarters of Lt. Ston," I said as I positioned myself. "Hey, Ston. Our ship is going to coming upon your outpost soon. I was thinking of beaming down for a while. If you are going to be around the common area at two-ish, I hope we can run into each other. See ya. Stop recording. Send."

As the computer acknowledge my comand, I realized that I was no longer indifferent to Ston. No matter how much I wanted to be careful, I couldn't help liking him. I walked over to my shrine and knelt down.

"Dear Prophets, please help him to be there." 


	14. First Contact

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Fourteen: First Contact

I beamed down as soon as we reached Outpost 76. I was feeling a little anxious until I saw Ston sitting in the corner, pouring over some sort of research. My heart started beating with excitement. That dorky, Vulcan hair cut was just as cute now as ever and he looked nice in the red uniform. 

I walked up to him. He didn't look up until I was standing right in front of his table. He stood up instantly.

"Lt. Shay," he greeted, and then motioned to the seat opposite him. I sat down.

"How have you been?" I asked.

"Sufficient, and yourself?" I retorted.

"Great!" I exclaimed, unable to keep from smiling. "What did you do today?"

He took a breath and said, "I had a double shift in the archives since Ensign LaTarra was late once again. It was routine work: researching requests, organizing, and recording."

"Kind of sounds like my work these days," I told him. "I did get good news today. I boy I knew in my childhood was elected in area government on the Rakantha providence on Bajor. We're pretty proud of him."

"That is indeed pleasent news," Ston agreed.

I finally got Ston talking about a particular case he was researching. The entire time he talked, I watched his eyes. He had lovely, dark blue iris's. I had not noticed ever before that his eyes were blue. I couldn't believe it, since it's rather noticable for a Vulcan to have blue eyes. But somehow I had before overlooked it.

"I had the chance to read an intriguing theory of Dr. Beystone's," Ston told me. "His previous theories had been quite illogical. Still, his most recent theory does have merit. I recommend it."

"Dr. Beystone?" I asked, not sure who he was talking about.

"The leading theorist in astrophysics," Ston clarified. 

"Oh," I shrugged. "I haven't heard of him."

"I guess you have to have an interest in the feild," Ston stated. "I only assumed you would have such an interest. Still, as you have expressed a fatigue with your work, I suppose you would not have updated yourself on recent theories and theorists."

There was a pause in the conversation. I tried desperately to think of something to say.

"I have been having pains in my back recently," I blurted. "Dr. Sisma said it was due to my high arches."

"Intriguing," Ston said, raising his eyebrows. "I was born with flat feet myself."

"So, together, we're normal," I said with a smile.

Ston nodded, almost looking amused.

Our conversations shifted from personal defects, to family, to recent social events and to dozens of other things. His strange, Vulcan irony made me laugh a few times. Before we knew it, time had passed much too quickly. 

"Forgive me," Ston said, standing. "I must return to the archives. How long will the Wasatch be in the vacinity of the outpost?"

"I'm not sure," I shrugged.

"Do feel free to visit again," Ston told me.

"Ok," I nodded.

We just stood there a moment. He was beginning to turn when I touched his arm and he turned back. I suddenly threw my arms around him in a tender hug. He didn't hug back, which was expected from a Vulcan. When I pulled away, I looked up at him. His eyebrows were raised.

"You know us crazy Bajorans," I laughed in spite of myself. "We're overly affectionate. I'll see you."

I turned quickly and signaled the Wasatch to beam me back up. 


	15. Future Imperfect

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Fifteen: Future Imperfect

I was walking to the mess hall during my lunch break when Jala ran up to me. 

"Do you know someone named Manda?" She asked randomly.

"Manda who?" I asked.

"Van Manda," Jala told me.

"Yes!" I exclaimed. "She's from my hometown. How do you know her?"

"She served with me aboard the Cheney," Jala informed. "Her ship is in orbit with us, you know."

"That's cool! I don't get to see her very often."

"We still keep in contact," Jala began "She's having some boy issues. She thinks there's no guys her age who are interested."

"She's not that old," I muttered.

Jala and I entered the mess hall together. We spotted Darren sitting by himself, so we decided to go sit with him. As we walked over, Jala whispered, "He looks like there may be something wrong."

It was then that I noticed how sad he looked. We asked if we could join him. He said we could. Before we had the chance to even ask him, he told us, "I've been thinking a lot, and I've decided that I need to date more."

Jala and I didn't know what to say. 

Darren went on, "My problem is that I don't know anyone who would go on a date with me."

"We could set you up with someone," Jala offered. 

"Like Manda," I said, feeling inspired.

"Manda-" Jala began thoughtfully.

"Manda?" Darren asked. "What's she look like?"

"She's Bajoran," I shrugged. 

"She's cute. She is," Jala insisted. 

"Well, I guess I could let you set me up with her," he said reluctantly.

When Jala and I had left the mess hall, Jala said, "I don't think he and Manda will get along. But at least he'll be on a date."

"I don't know," I muttered. "I think they could hit it off."

Jala shook her head at me. 

"Should one of us double with them," I asked, "or we could triple?"

"We should!" Jala said with excitement. "I'll probably ask Colban. Who are you going to ask?"

I walked silently for a moment. There were a couple of guys I could think of. Hitchcock was one idea. I had been running into him a lot lately, but I didn't really want to date him. Ston was my other idea. It was in my mind to go slow with Ston, wait for him to make the move. There was no one else I really wanted to date though, so I figured I would ask him- Eventually. 

It seemed like, for a while, everytime I saw Jala or Darren, they would ask if I had found a date yet. I was feeling a little edgey about it. What if he said no? What if he thought of us just as friends? What if he didn't approve of forward girls? I went into a mild depression- thinking that he couldn't possibly like me. But when anyone would ask about it, I would get irritable and snap at them. I wasn't feeling ready to get into this again. 

Finally, one day, Jala told me that if I didn't ask him soon, he may get plans. I went back to my quarters to do as she told me, when I felt suddenly that my quarters were a mess. I cleaned everything, did a couple reports for Andrannon, and found myself with nothing else to do to avoid asking him. Instead of just hailing him, I decided to send a message.

"Hey, Ston," I began nervously. "I've been doing pretty good lately. Busy. I was hoping you had fun talking the other day. I did. Speaking of dates- not that I was actually talking about dates, but it leads into what I was going to say. See, my friends, Darren and Jala, wanted to go on a triple date. Uh, I thought I would ask you if you weren't busy Saturday. If you are, that's fine. It would be cool if you could come. Hope to hear from you soon."

I ended the recording and sent it. Then I collapsed on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. 

"He's going to think I'm such an idiot!" 


	16. The Cost of Time

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Sixteen: The Cost of Time

Time was an Altrean slug crawling across the bulkhead an inch an hour. It was killing me. I must have checked if I had any messages from the outpost every hour or so. It didn't help that I had no work those days and I had nothing at all to do except stare at my computer console and wait. I was beginning to doubt if he would ever contact me. I had to start thinking of second choices if he said no.

Jala kept saying, "If he doesn't contact you by tomorrow, you have to hail him."

I did not want to hail him. If he had trouble answering to a message, a hail would be excruciating. I couldn't imagine how awkward it would be for me to hail him just hear him say, "Oh, I forgot to tell you. I'm married to this random chick on Vulcan so dating would be a bad idea." Not that he would put it exactly like that. 

Two days from when I sent the message, at about seventeen hundred hours- which felt like about seventeen hundred hours instead of two days- the computer notified me that I had a message. I ran over to my computer console instantly and yelled, "Play it!"

"Lt, Shay," Ston began. "Saturday is an acceptable day for a social engagement. If you are lacking in ideas, I have been informed that nearby Starbase, Deep Space 4, has an excellent selection of cuisines. Or, if it would please you, I have the ability to prepare Plomeek soup quite satisfactorily. I would have to import a Plomeek tree from Vulcan considering that replications of the soup are a disgrace. If you wish it, I will do so. Until our next communication, live long and prosper."

Was it just my imagination or did he seem almost excited, in a Vulcan way? 

I wanted to go tell Jala that moment. As I started off to her quarters, Hitchcock happened by. 

"Hey, Lina," he greeted with a smile.

I nodded in his direction.

"Have you given anymore thought to that vedek deal?" He asked.

"A little," I shrugged. "I'm afraid time may be running out before I decided. How old is too old to begin the training?"

"I wouldn't know," he said indifferently. "Where are you headed?" 

"Just here," I told him, pointing to Jala's door. 

"Oh, ok," He muttered. "See ya."

Hitchcock continued down the hall. I shook my head, unsure of him. I pushed the door tone and waited. Nothing. 

"Computer, where's Jala?" I asked.

"Lt. Comm. Jala is on the bridge."

I groaned. That meant she was on duty. I had to wait to tell her that Ston said yes. Who could I tell, though. I needed to tell someone. I decided that I could talk to Manda, so I went back to my quarters and hailed her aboard the Cheney. I waited for a moment and then she came on my screen.

"Lina!" She exclaimed excitedly. "What have you been up to?"

"Nothing," I shrugged. "Has Jala talked to you?"

"About the date thing?" She asked. "Yeah, I'm so excited."

"That's good," I responded. Her smile was becoming contageous. "I've got a date for it."

"Really, who?" Manda asked.

"His name is Ston," I told her. "I met him a while back in the academy. He started randomly emailing me while ago. Since we're orbiting his outpost, I decided to ask him."

"That's cool," she replied. "Ston? Is that Vulcan?"

"Yup," I muttered.

"Like them exotic, don't you?" Manda teased.

"You're the one who agreed to date a human," I reminded. 

Manda shrugged, still smiling.

"You're dad's a vedek, right?" I asked, taking on a more serious air.

Manda nodded.

"How old is too old to start the process?" 

"Of becoming a vedek?" Manda retorted. "It's limitless. You can start whenever you like."

"Good," I sighed. "I've been worrying that I had to make a decision soon. I feel better that I don't."

"Thinking of entering the Vedek Order?" Manda asked.

"Sort of," I shrugged.

"Don't worry about the decision," Manda insisted. "If the prophets want you to be a vedek, you'll know."

I would just know. That was a comforting thought. Because I didn't currently know for sure, I guessed the prophets didn't want me to be a vedek. At least, not yet. 


	17. Time's Arrow

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Seventeen: Time's Arrow

"He wants to make Plomeek soup," I told Jala as we sat together in my room.

"Tell him to go for it," Jala insisted. "I like Plomeek soup."

"Ok," I muttered.

"What does Ston do again?" Jala asked thoughtfully.

"He's a historian," I said indifferently.

"Really?" Jala asked in excitement. "One of my previous hosts was a historian."

It almost seemed like Jala had more in common with him than I did. What did I have in common with him?

As time drew nearer to Saturday, I began to feel ill-at-ease. It seemed time was just going too fast. I didn't look forward to the date as I should. I wasn't excited. I was dreading it. Why? I had no idea. Maybe I just didn't like Ston anymore. Maybe this wasn't what I had in mind when I thought to pursue something with Ston. 

I was on the holodek, standing in the snow, when Ston came up to me. I was quite surprised to see him aboard the Wasatch. He looked different. I'm not exactly sure how, just a different air about him. He reminded me of Hitchcock.

"I have to leave the date early," Ston told me matter-of-factly. "I don't want to lead you on. I just can't be interested in a girl who foolishly throws herself at me. So I'm just going just for the free food."

Tears stung my eyes. "Don't bother coming at all!" I cried. "I won't be there!"

With that, I ran out of the holodek.

I awoke with a start. My throat was feelings very sore and my mouth was dry. I thought back on my dream and couldn't believe how upset it had made me. Ston didn't even talk like himself. And reminding me of Hitchcock? The two couldn't be more different. Then I thought about the things he said to me. Ston would never say anything like that. He wouldn't have agreed to the date if he didn't really want to go. It was just my insecurities invading my dreams.

My sore throat did not cease with my getting out of bed or eating breakfast. I had been sipping rekja tea all morning. My mother always used rekja to cure our childhood illnesses. It wasn't widely known how good rekja is for swollen glands and respiratory infections.

I didn't feel like going to my last shift of the day, so I decided not to. At least this time I actually felt unwell. The idea kept coming to me to go see Sisma in sick bay, but I just didn't want to. I didn't want to be sick, but I didn't want to make any effort to not be. 

I finally decided that I really should go talk to Sisma, so I started for sickbay. Tiffany from Aeroponics came running up instantly.

"Hey, Lina!" She said with a big smile. "You know that date you asked me to set you up on before shoreleave? Well, I found a guy I think you'd like."

I had to take a minute to remember what she was talking about. It was not very long after Malk, and I wanted to forget him. I couldn't believe it had taken her so long.

"Oh, ok," I muttered. "Who is he?"

"His name is Joel," she told me. "He works in Engineering."

"Human?" I asked by the name.

"Yeah. Does it bother you?"

I shook my head indifferently.

"He's a really nice guy," Tiffany assured me.

"What's he look like?" I asked out of curiousity.

"He's tall," Tiffany began. "He has light brown hair and I think brown eyes. I set up the date for friday. Is that ok?"

"Yeah," I smirked, thinking of the idea that I was having two dates in one weekend.

"Great!" Tiffany exclaimed. "I think maybe we'll go to Deep Space 4 for dinner and then go skating in a holosuit. What do you think?"

"Sounds good to me," I shrugged.

"Great! I'll tell him," Tiffany told me, and then continued on down the hall. 


	18. Peldar Joi

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Eighteen: Peldar Joi

"If this is going to be a successful social gathering, I suggest you provide the following items: Sehlat wax candles, enough malope buds to fill two Selaya vases, and kal toh. I will aquire the plomeek tree. Be advised that plomeek soup does not agree with the physiology of all species. You may want to keep a glass of warm T'kat tea nearby. Until Saturday, live long and prosper."

I shook my head at the picture of Ston on my screen. What in Starfleet had I gotten myself into?

It was surprising how indifferent I was to the blind date up until an hour before. I spent extra time on my hair. I tried to clean my shoes. When time got close, I went to Tiffany's quarters and waited.

"Are you nervous?" Tiffany asked.

"A little," I told her. 

"They should be arriving in the shuttlebay any minute," Tiffany informed as she checked the time.

"Shuttlebay?" I asked in surprise. "I thought he worked in Engineering."

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean Wasatch's Engineering. No, both he and Jim are aboard the Gundum docked at Deep Space 4."

Just then, the door chimed. Tiffany went over and answered it. The first face I saw was a handsome, human face. He was tall with green eyes, not brown. He had a nice smile.

"Lina, this is Joel," Tiffany introduced.

Just for me? Thank you, Tiffany!

"Hi," I said shyly.

He smiled warmly.

"Well," Tiffany began, "let's get headed to the space station."

Tiffany and her date went ahead while Joel and I were a little behind. I kept looking over at his dark green eyes.

Joel piloted the shuttle and I sat next to him. In the back, Tiffany and her date were chatting plesently.

"So," I began, "What do you do in your spare time?"

"I don't seem to get a lot of spare time," Joel laughed. "What about you?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I like to read, talk with my friends."

"That sounds fun," he told me.

We soon docked at the space station. Joel stepped out into the docking port and held a hand out to me. I took his hand and he helped me down from the shuttle. His hand was strong and nice to hold. But I let go as soon as I was in the docking port. I didn't want to let hand-holding with a guy I hardly knew become too familiar.

We went to a Earth-type restaurant. We had burgers. I didn't dislike burgers, but I had expected something more formal. I seemed to finish before everyone else. Of course, I don't usually talk while I eat, unless I get really excited.

"So, we're going skating, huh?" Jim, Tiffany's date, asked. "Joel and I falling over ourselves is the entertainment for the night?"

Joel didn't make any comment. I wondered why.

We headed to the holosuit after dinner. Joel rented a skating program and we all went inside. As soon as I put on the skates, I almost fell and Joel had to reach out a hold me up. It was nice to be in his arms.

"I'm sorry," I muttered. "It's been a while since I've done this. I'm going to have to lean on your for a while." 

"I don't mind," he insisted with a smile.

I started to remember how to skate. But Joel was a lot better than I was. Now and then, I would lose my balance, but Joel was always right there to steady me. It was so nice. One time when he took my hand to keep me from falling, he didn't let go and neither did I. We started to talk. I told him all about Sisma and B'Liz. I told him about the stories I liked to read and about my religion. He seemed very interested.

When we all got tired of skating, Jim suggested we go back to the Gundum and listen to music. Tiffany seemed all for it. I was a little tired, but I liked being around Joel. 

As soon as we entered the boys' quarters, two little earth dogs ran up. They were so cute and fuzzy. I picked one up and played with her. Joel told me her name was Teddy and the other one was Ginger. Jim called them his babies. 

We didn't talk much as we listened to the music. I sat on the floor and petted Teddy. Joel sat beside me and seemed to watch me. Every time I looked at him, though, he would look away. 

When it got too late, the guys walked us back to the shuttle and flew us home. Joel even walked me to my quarters. We stood there, staring at each other for a moment.

"Well, maybe we'll run into each other soon," he said.

"Probably not," I insisted. "Different starships."

"Yeah," he muttered. "Maybe I could threaten Tiffany into giving me the Wasatch's course."

"I'm an astrometics officer," I reminded him. "You could just threaten me."

"No," he said softly. "You don't want to threaten the woman you're interested in. You might not give me the course if I do."

I blushed. and said, "Do you want our course?"

"If you want to give it to me," he told me.

I quickly grabbed a datapad from my quarters and downloaded the course of the Wasatch for the next few months. I handed it to him.

"Hopefully, we'll end up around the same place at the same time one of these missions," Joel said.

He put his arms around my waist and lifted me into the air. I let slip a squeel of surprise and delight. As he set me back down, I was laughing.

"Bye," he said.

"Bye." 


	19. Mok'Tah

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Nineteen: Mok'tah

I slept in again, but I didn't have a shift that day. I thought about Joel as I got up. I wondered if his ship was still docked at Deep Space 4. I wondered if he was going to contact me. 

I got up and got dressed. As I was eating my breakfast, Jala came in.

"What time did you get back?" She asked. "We were waiting for you last night."

"It was passed twenty-four hundred hours," I sighed. 

"Must have been a good date, then," Jala teased.

I just smiled broadly.

Jala didn't have to remind me of the date that night, though I was doubting how well it was going to go. Jala and I made a lot of the arrangements since Darren was at a conference all day. It was getting pretty close on time before he got back. 

"Manda's going to beam over soon," I told Darren. "You and Jala will meet her in transporter room two. I'll meet Ston in Transporter room four."

Darren nodded in agreement. He had some questions that I thought had already been answered, but I answered them again anyway. 

I had to wait in the transporter room longer than I felt I should have. But Ston soon arrived with a plomeek tree. The tree had a large base which thinned out toward the top and sprouted only one, large leaf. The tree smelled awful.

"Greetings," he said stalely. "Show me to your kitchen."

"Yes, sir," I muttered.

I showed him to my quarters and he began to use a specialized grater to scrape off the bark of the tree into little peices. He wasn't a very good conversationalist. I was glad when Jala, Darren, Manda and Colban arrived. Manda and Darren seemed to be having a plesent converstation, which made me happy. 

Jala, in fun, started speaking Vulcan to Ston. He responded, and the two began to chatter. It was all fun until Jala's face suddenly turned suspicious. She stopped talking in Vulcan for a while. I wondered what was said.

Everyone bustled around my kitchen making different foods. It was a sort of combination of cultural foods. It was rather interesting. I wasn't very fond of most of the cuisine, especially the plomeek soup. It was terrible. 

Jala chalanged Ston to a game of Kaltoh. He accepted. The rest of us watched as the two struggled over the game. Jala seemed, oddly enough, to be doing better than Ston. Ston got more tense every move and began to look very irritated. Jala won, to which Ston slammed his fist on the table in an angry manner. It scared me for a second. I had never seen a Vulcan so angry.

The whole mood of the evening changed after that. Jala and Ston seemed completely out to irritate each other. I tried to stay out of their way and I actually avoided talking to Ston. I didn't like how he was acting.

Darren decided it was late enough to walk Manda to the tranporter pad. Jala went to walk Colban to his quarters. I was alone in my quarters with Ston. I was trying to clean everything up before my roommate got off duty.

"This was a quite intriguing social event," Ston told me. "I should return to the outpost."

I went to hug him, but he backed away. I hugged him anyway just to spite him. After he left my qaurters, I kept thinking that we were definately not compatible. Jala entered my quarters as I was putting dishes away.

"I'm sorry I left you alone with him," Jala apologized. "But I had to get Colban's empathic opinion on something."

She looked worried so I gave her my full attention.

"I first noticed it when I was talking to Ston," Jala told me. "He had a strange sort of accent. You know that I speak Vulcan because my former host, Kadar, lived on Vulcan for much of his life. He became very familiar with them. Kadar knew everything about Vulcans..."

"Ok," I said, not quite understanding.

"I have to tell you," she began nervously. "Ston is no Vulcan. He's a Romulan."

I had to think about it for a moment, but it all made sense. He was acting so strangely. I wondered if he was spy, if we should expose him.

Jala tapped her comm badge. "Security to transporter room four."

She pulled out her phaser and left my quarters in a stealthy manner. I wondered whether or not I wanted to watch this. Being me, I would rather be out of the way when it came to conflicts. I decided to let Jala handle it. 

A/N: We're pretending this is in the timeline where Starfleet and Romulans still don't like each other. 


	20. Jaded

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Twenty: Jaded

Andrannon thought it would be a good idea if certain members of her staff went to a lecture on astrophysics, namely the one's who were bad at it. So I had to go to Deep Space 4 for this lecture. I was nearly falling alseep only halfway through. By the time it was over, my brain felt numb. 

I was heading back to the transport with my colleagues when I spotted Joel. I felt this rush of excitement and nervousness. Then I saw that he was talking to a Ktarian woman. My heart dropped. Who was she? 

Joel spotted me standing there and came over, the Ktarian woman following him.

"Hello, how's it going?" he asked, without introducing me.

"Fine," I shrugged.

The Ktarian woman remained at his side, but payed attention to other things. I wondered at their behavior.

"How's atrometrics?" Joel asked.

"Not too bad," I muttered. "Are you leaving the space station soon?"

"Pretty soon," he nodded.

"Us too."

There was an awkward silence.

"Lt. Shay!" Called one of the other members of the Wasatch's atrometrics team. "The transport's about to leave."

"Thanks," I called back. I turned back to Joel. "I'd better go."

"See ya," he waved.

I caught the transport. As soon as I was back on the Wasatch, I went to Tiffany's quarters.

"Hey, Lina," She greeted.

"Is Joel seeing anyone?" I asked her.

"No," she said in confusion. "Why?"

"I saw him on Deep Space 4 with a Ktarian woman," I told her.

"Oh, that's probably just Freya," Tiffany insisted. "They used to date, but now they're just friends."

"Oh! He must think I don't like him by the way I acted," I muttered, smacking my hand on my forehead.

I seemed to get distracted quite a bit after that. Of course, it wasn't uncommon for me to be distracted by something or another.

"Jayde, could you get me spectral analysis of the gastro-cluster," I asked, staring at my screen.

"I'm not Jayde," said a human woman at Jayde's station. "But I'll get you that spectral analysis anyway."

"I'm sorry," I told her. "This is usually Jayde's shift."

"I'm taking over his shift from now on," she informed.

"Why?" I asked curiously. "What happened to Jayde?"

"He transfered to the outpost on Risa," Jayde's replacement said, handing me the analysis results.

"Transfered to Risa?" I asked in surprise. "How could he just transfer to Risa? That's impossible."

"Not recently," she shook her head. "It seems that they need more officers stationed on Risa. So when someone asks to transfer, they get the position."

"Why haven't you transfered if you know so much about it?" I queried.

"I already sent in my transfer request," she smirked.

I went back to my duties, but I wondered about the idea of Risa. It would be a relaxing environment, a change from my normal life. After my duty, I sent in a request. If I was denied, it was no big deal. If I was accepted, I could still back out. There was no harm in it. 


	21. Silly Officers

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Twenty One: Silly Officers

During my shift, I took time out of the ruitine to check on the position of the Gundum. The only thing I found out was that it wasn't within ten lightyears of the Wasatch. It was all right. I didn't really expect to see Joel soon. It wasn't like he had any sort of promise with me. He said we might cross paths. I wished it sooner than later, but it wasn't my decision to make. I have had problems in the past with guys I actively persued, Ston being most recent. I had resolved that if a man wanted me, he would pursue. And if he didn't, then what did it really matter?

It seemed like everyone was on duty and I really wanted to be around people. I stopped by Kaytee's quarters just because she was the only person I could think of who I knew wasn't on duty. She said I could come in. When I did, I found her and Evans in night clothes, eating breakfast food. I wondered if I may have interrupted.

"What's up?" Kaytee asked with a big smile.

"Nothing," I muttered, "I was just bored."

"Bored, huh?" Kaytee smirked. "Evans, entertain her!"

When he didn't respond, she kicked him under the table. In retribution, he reached down and tickled her knee. She fought him off as hard as she could.

"Don't tickle me!" She squeeled.

"Well, you kicked me," he said in defense.

"You swore you would not tickle me," she insisted. "You never said I couldn't kick you."

"You'd make a good lawyer," Evans told her.

I felt very out of place with them. So I made an excuse and went on my way. When it was late enough for Sisma to be off duty, I went to her quarters. I found her, Jala and B'Liz all laughing with a Vegan male I didn't know. Went over and sat on B'Liz's bed next to Jala.

"Oh, Lina, this is my brother, Tao," Sisma told me, pointing toward the Vegan male.

He waved at me and then announced, "I got bored of Vega, so I decided to come bother my little sister."

I just nodded at him.

"Oh!" He exclaimed, reaching into his pocket. "I have a terran monkey in my pocket."

He pulled out a red stuffed monkey. Sisma reached out to it, but Tao pulled the monkey close to him in a protective way.

"Please, let me see!" Sisma begged. "I just want to hug the monkey."

He finally gave it to her. She hugged it and then tossed it at Tao. 

"Hey!" He laughed, throwing the monkey in the air. "It always lands on its butt."

He threw it a couple times to which it landed on its side. He stuffed the monkey back in his pocket, saying, "Well, it did before."

"Sit," Sisma told him, pointing to a spot on the floor near her.

"I'm not a dog," he muttered.

"Sit, Tao, sit!" Sisma mimicked ordering a dog. "I'll give you a cookie."

Tao started panting and jumping up and down. He sat down by her. Sisma held the cookie over his head. He decided not to beg for it or bite at it. Tao just grabbed the cookie and ate it. 

We spent some time with Tao. He was really funny. He did all these rather outlandish things. It fit with the profile of the Vegan species. He also showed us a picture of his Vegan girlfriend. She seemed nice. I hoped, for his sake, she was.

When Tao went to leave, he announced, "It's Vegan tradition to give kisses goodbye."

He kissed Sisma first, and then Jala and B'Liz. I got the last kiss goodbye. We all decided that we would miss him. Sisma was lucky. My brother was not that playful or affectionate since he joined the resistance. I longed for that kind of interaction with my family members.

A/N: It has a really stupid title because I really couldn't think of anything. 


	22. Lonely Among Us

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Twenty Two: Lonely Among Us

"Make sure to feed Jalapino and Squishy," Sisma told me with a hug. "And pet Jalapino too. Ok?"

I nodded.

"Thank you so much," Sisma told me.

B'Liz punched me in the arm. "Don't do anything stupid."

"I'll try," I shrugged. "Have a great shoreleave."

B'Liz and Sisma got into Peter the Shuttlecraft and flew out of the shuttlebay. I let out a sigh of discontent. An entire week on the Wasatch by myself. I guess it wasn't totally by myself. I still had Jala hanging around. Darren was going to be there for a while. Speaking of Darren...

"Hey, Lina," he greeted as I walked down the corridor. "You staying here for shoreleave again?"

I nodded.

"You could see if someone is headed toward Bajor and get a ride," he suggested.

"No, I would rather not," I muttered. "Besides, my father is no longer on Bajor. They sent him to see a specialist on Earth."

"Great!" Darren exclaimed. "I can take you to Earth with me. You could see your father again."

Why was Darren so obsessed with me going home? He was like this the last time we have shoreleave. Why couldn't he just get it? I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to face it. I would rather just go on with my life instead bringing myself face to face with the tragedy my family went through. Why couldn't he just leave me alone?

"Darren, I have something to do right now," I told him. "I'll see you before you leave."

I headed straight toward my quarters. I sat on my bed and looked around at how empty it was. Abelista went back to Ktaris for shoreleave, so I had the quarters to myself. It just made everything more lonely. I wished that I knew what to do with myself.

I told the computer to play some music, and I looked over an old Bajoran novel about the princess of the Rakantha province before the world government was insistuted. She was apparently in love with a Vedek and had to go on a quest to save her sister from an awful plague. I decided that the novel was interesting, but could have been much more interesting. I thought that it would have been good if instead of being on a quest to save her sister, she could be on a quest to defeat the Pah-Wraiths. And instead of being a princess, she could be a scullerly maid in the house of the Kai.

I grabbed a datapad before I lost my flow of ideas. I made sure to write down every alteration I would have made to the book. I decided that the main character wasn't just an scullerly maid, but was called by the prophets to be the only one who could defeat the Pah-Wraiths. I decided to keep the idea that she falls in love with a Vedek. That was actually the only thing I kept of the origional story.

For once in a long time, I was enthrawled my something. I was interested in something. I found something I liked to do. I spent a great deal of time writing this novel. Around the sixtieth kilobyte and the third day, my flow of inspiration ebbed. My life was back to being meaningless. In some desperate hope that my inspiration would return, I spent a great deal of time staring at an empty datapad.

Jala still had to keep things secure, despite the fact that there was nearly no one left on the ship. She finished with her security sweep of the ship about twenty-one hundred hours every night. Because it was my only contact with her, I stayed up so we could talk and play on the holodek. My sleeping habits were way off. Not only did I not get to bed before two hundred hours, but I slept almost ten hours since I had nothing really to get up for. And it seemed that even when I went to bed, I tossed and turned for hours.

Somewhere amongst the common, I noticed that my religious practices had been being neglected. I tried to spend more time praying in front of my mandala and reading the words of the Kai, but I wasn't concentrating well. I also had some catch-up work for Andrannon that wasn't getting done. I had planned for this break to be a great relief, not only to be away from work for a while, but also a catch-up period so I would no longer be behind in my work. Everything I had planned on during shoreleave seemed to go undone. I found myself at the end of liberty and I wasn't any better off.

I got a message from my mother one day. It was nice to see her face again. Everyone said that I looked just like her. I never minded.

"Hello, my little groatcake," she said. "Not much is happening here. Mostly we are just waiting. Tomorrow your father gets his MRI and CT. Then on Tuesday, they decide if he is going in for surgery and when. So, we are still keeping busy. Prophets willing, we will only be here on earth for a month. I hope to go shopping for clothes at one point. Some of the earth fabrics are quite confortable. 

"That's so exciting about Risa. I hope something good comes from it. You might try asking Grandma Shay about that. She once lived on Risa. I'd better get back to Dad. We have physical therapy in one and a half hours, and we haven't had breakfast yet. May the prophets guide you, Lina."

When the screen when black, I sat back in my chair, wishing I had taken Darren offer and gone to see my mother. I missed her so dearly. 


	23. Will of the Prophets

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Twenty Three: Will of the Prophets

It was nice when Sisma and B'Liz came back. We got really into these Vegan holo-novels. Our favorite was called Enirely Tritanium Alert. Sisma had just bought the program and we all had to play it. Each of us was totally head over heals for the same character, Sousuke. We talked and sighed about him even when we weren't playing the holo-novel. 

"Guess what?" Called Lt. Bryce of security as I was walking down the hall. 

"What?" I asked.

"The Wasatch has been chosen out of all the ships in the area to negotiate with the Ring-Bearers," he told me excitedly.

"The Ring-Bearers?" I repeated in surprise, stopping in my tracks. "That's kind of dangerous, isn't it?"

"It's about time we got some excitement around here," Bryce winked.

"When are we leaving Alpha-Centauri?" I queried.

"Tomorrow, probably, if we want to be in Ring-Bearer space by the end of the week," Bryce told me, still smiling.

Bryce was a handsome human with dark hair and eyes, but I wondered sometimes what went through his mind. How could facing the enemy be exciting? It was more likely that the Ring-Bearers would destroy our ship rather than listen to us. It put me on edge.

"So, did you met some young stud on Alpha-Centauri while we've been here?" Bryce asked. "You had better say goodbye soon."

"Actually," I began, looking down, "I haven't even taken the opportunity to see Alpha-Centari yet."

"Oh, come on!" Bryce exclaimed. "You have to see it before we leave. Take an hour just to walk about. It will do you good."

He reminded me of Hitchcock sometimes. He was right, though. I really did need to take a moment to beam down. I decided it would be better done sooner than later.

It was a warm day on Alpha-Centauri. The vegitation was all green and lush. It had been a while since I had felt the sun on my skin. I almost wanted to just sit there and bake to a crisp. I took off my boots and curled my toes into the grass.

Suddenly, I felt a tap on my shoulder. To my immense surprise, Joel stood before me. I stood awe-struck for a moment.

"I thought that was you," he smiled.

"I didn't know you were in the area," I told him.

"We just got here," he shrugged. "I thought I should see Alpha-Centauri first thing. Besides, there's an Engineering conference here which I'm almost late for."

All I wanted was to tell him to wait. I wanted to walk him to the conference. I wanted to say so much. All I ended up doing was waving stupidly.

"See you around, Lina," he said and then went off toward the outpost.

I stared after him, sighing.

We left for Ring-Bearer space the net day. It was devastating that I would not have the time to see Joel. I hadn't even told him that I was leaving. I hadn't said anything. I was so stupid.

In astrometrics, I looked over the navigation logs with little enthusiasm. I was thinking about Joel. I didn't know what was up with me. I barely knew him. I wanted to know him, though. I wanted so much to know every little thing about him. If only I could get the time to be with him. I wondered if he thought of me at all.

Andrannon stopped by a console near mine and asked the occupant to report.

"Several Ring-Bearer cruisers are cirling us," the officer said.

"Cirling?" Andrannon muttered. "I hope Captain Paris is aware of this."

Suddenly, red alert sounded. I gasped.

"Aparently, she is," Andrannon added, returning to her post.

The entire ship shook and I was knocked to the floor. I climbed to my feet and readjusted my consol to monitor what was happening. Three of the enemy ships were firing on us. I held onto my consol as another blast shook the ship. 

"Intruder alert," the computer announced.

I gasped again. The astrometrics door swooshed open and two Ring-Bearers in helmets came in holding phaser-rifles. 

"Security to Astrometrics," Andrannon shouted.

One of the Ring-Bearers shot at Andrannon. She was able to dodge it. I ducked behind my consol, holding my knees into my chest. I couldn't believe this was happening. Silently, I prayed to the prophets for the guidence and safety of the crew.

The shooting stopped and I glanced over my consol at the intruders. Some security officers had come in. One of the Ring-Bearer had Lt. Bryce in an arm-lock. Bryce was struggling feircly. The Ring-Bearer jerked Bryce's arm up and broke it. Bryce fell to his knees and stared up at the Ring-Bearer, pain in his face. The Ring-Bearer took Bryce's face in both its gloved hands and cracked Bryce's forehead against its helmet. Bryce collapsed on the floor, his head bleeding. 

Just then, two other security officers had incapacitated the other Ring-Bearer and went after the one that hurt Bryce. They took it down. I ran over to Bryce and knelt near him. He was staring at the ceiling, his pupils had turned to nothing but specs in his irises. 

"Bryce, can you hear me?" I shouted at him, my eyes tearing.

"The light," he muttered. "It's amazing."

He smiled for a moment, and then his body went limp and his eyes became empty. Bryce was dead. 


	24. Home Soil

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Twenty Four: Home Soil

The Wasatch escaped Ring-Bearer space with very few casualties. Bryce kept haunting my mind, though. I had never seen someone die before. He looked so happy, it was weird. 

The Wasatch went back to starfleet command to report on what had happened with the negotiations. We were very close to earth. I sent a message to my mom, telling her that it was time I came home. Mom and dad were both there to meet me when I beamed down to Earth. Dad's face was scarred, he had his head and arms covered with strange, tight fabric and he sat in a wheelchair. I ran and hugged my mother instantly. Her hair wasn't as long as I had remembered. She must have cut it. I leaned down and put my arms around my dad's neck. He patted my arm.

"Hello, baby," he murmured.

It was good to see them. I had missed them so dearly. We stayed on earth that night. Usually staying in a borrowed bed would keep me up all night, but somehow I slept better than usual. Soon after a breakfast of kava rolls with alvas jam, we had to catch a transport back to Bajor. It was a very silent trip where I read, my dad slept- jerking wildly from time to time- and my mom watched out the window. I remembered that I used to love to talk their ears off about everything that was going on in my life. At the time, I had nothing to say.

We landed near Jiah. It had been a long time since I had seen so many Bajorans in one place. I almost missed the alien faces I would often pass in the Wasatch corridor. It wasn't long before we had reached the property my dad owned. What was once a lovely house and choice farmland was nothing but dry dirt and a crater. A small house made from rubble had been errected in the shade of some surviving trees. My mother wheeled dad over the harsh terrain and into the house. I followed, reluctantly. My older sister was there and seemed surprised to see us.

"No one said you were coming home?" She said, offended that it hadn't been mentioned to her.

"I tried to contact you," my mother insisted, wheeling dad to a bare corner.

My sister proceeded to tell me what things had been left behind when the Cardassians raided our home and what things she had aquired through trade. I tried to be in high spirits for her sake, but it was hard to be myself in surroundings that were so foreign.

"I will contact the rest of the family," my mom announced. "We're going to have a family dinner. It's been so long since we have all been together."

Around dinner time, we walked to the nearest city to buy some food at the market and have a picnick under the moons. I saw Penby first, looking all round from pregnancy. I wasn't sure if I should hug her or not. I would have before, but I hadn't seen my brother's wife in so long. It was awkward. Her husband, dressed like a terrorist with a three-year-old in his arms, I was not tempted to embrace. He set down his son, who ran instantly to my sister and to my mother, but didn't give me a second look. I didn't expect him to remember me. I had been gone so long.

"Athon, hug auntie Lina," Penby told her son as she pointed to me.

It was only then that he came over to me, without any shyness. It felt nice to hug him. I remembered when I used to dance with him and rock him to sleep.

My other brother, Alym, and his wife showed up with their newborn. It was the first time I had gotten to see him. Mom reached instantly for the baby as the men set up the picnick. My sister and Penby both cooed at the baby, but I stood back. I had to agree that he was a beautiful baby, but I wasn't good with babies.

With the baby and one arm, mom took dad's hand and said, "Now I have both my babies."

I glanced at her smile only breifly. A longer look would have maybe given away how much I ached at realizing that I was no longer my mother's baby. 

We all sat down for our meal. I ate a slice of mapa bread slowly as the rest of the family conversed lightheartedly. Athon kept running off and either mom or Penby had to chase him down. Alym's baby was being passed from person to person so fast it was hard to keep track of who had him. Then mom came up behind me and set the baby in my arms. I tensed up immediately.

"The baby can sense if you're uncomfortable," mom insisted and patted my shoulder before returning to dad.

I felt totally inaduate to be holding the baby. He was so tiny, staring up at the sky with big eyes. Penby reached her hands out to me, so I handed the baby over. She held him to her pregnant belly and said, "I can't wait until I have my little girl."

The women in the family all began to talk about how baby-hungry they felt when they looked at him. I kept silent. I wasn't talkative in groups, even when it came to my own family. I did want a baby. Every time I saw little Jakom on Vega, I wanted a baby. I wanted to be pregnant like Penby. I wanted to be married and in love like Alym and Jenlee. But the idea of all of it scared me. I worried about what kind of mother I would turn out to be. What kind of wife I would be? What if I wasn't what everyone expected me to be? 

I slept on a cot that night and tossed and turned in the cold. I heard my sister leave for work early. I was awake, but I didn't stir even though I knew that would have been the only chance I would have to say goodbye before I left. I heard mom walk over lightly about an hour later. She shook me, thinking I was asleep. 

"It's time to get ready to go," she told me.

I nodded, though I really didn't want to leave. I helped my mother get everything together and then we went back to Jiah to catch the transport back to Earth. I read some more. Dad slept some more. Mom stared some more. 

After we landed, Mom stopped off at the hospital to drop off dad's things. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him.

"I love you, too, baby," he said.

Mom walked me to the transporter. I decided that it wouldn't help anyone if I made a big deal out of leaving. So I pasted on a comfortable smile and hugged her. I told her I would see her later, though I wasn't so sure. I was back aboard the Wasatch in an instant, feeling as if nothing had changed. I still had no idea what I was doing with my life. I still felt useless. 


	25. One

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Twenty Five: One

I seemed to like being alone more. I stayed in my room and read instead of looking to hang out with friends. It was some form of retreat, I think. I wasn't really sure. I went to work, mindlessly did my duties, went to my quarters and read. Reading gave me some joy. It wasn't all lethargy. Books were a lonely companion, though. After starting to read a novel for the second time, I realized that it was an escape and I had to go back to being with people.

My console began to malfunction during my shift, so I instinctively asked Engineering to send Hitchcock. I was surprised from my disappointment when Engineering told me that Hitchcock wasn't on duty. They said they would send someone else. So I waited. When the man in a gold uniform walked in, I recognized him from various breif meetings around the ship. He came up and asked me what was wrong with my console. As he leaned over to examine it, I felt drawn to him. I wasn't sure if it was my own loneliness or him. I watched his work, standing closer to him than I needed to. And while he was running the diagnostic, I gazed at his profile. He was not a great-looking man, especially with those giant Atrean ears. But I saw possibilities in his dark eyes. I could see him as cute. 

He seemed to notice my attentions toward him. He made converstaion with me about my area of expertise and how I liked the quardrant. Other things that didn't really matter. As he fixed the console, I continued the conversation as long as I could, smiling pleasently at him.

"I'm actually am not a career engineer," he told me. 

"Oh?" I asked.

"I graduated the academy thinking that engineering was the world," he continued. "But I later decided that it wasn't what I really wanted. So I have been taking correspondance courses from the academy to get a degree in communications."

"Really..." I had never thought of that. I could go back to the academy. My only problem was I didn't know what I would study. But it still was a very appealing idea.

"That should do it," he announced. "Call me if there are any more problems. I should head back to engineering now."

I nodded.

He started to go, but stopped. "What's your name?"

"Shay Lina," I told him.

"I'm Davon Print," he said, shaking my hand.

I had the feeling that he wanted to see me again. It was a nice feeling. I didn't really know enough about him to say I was interested in him, but if he had asked me to meet him in the mess hall, I would have agreed. He didn't ask, though. He just left Astrometrics.

A/N: This is a really short chapter and it seems my chapters are coming along slower. It seems my life is mostly ruitine now, so there's nothing much to write. When something does happen, I'll try to write it. 


	26. Reactions

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Twenty Six: Reactions

I had dinner with Sisma and B'Liz. It had been a long time since we had a real dinner together. It was nice to be with them again. B'Liz was the cook for the evening. It was fine by me. I liked Klingon food for the most part. It was quite a surprise when she made more than just gagh. She also had blood pie and skull stew. I knew I would like blood pie because I had had it before. I never had skull stew. Sisma slurped up the skull stew with savor. I was a little nervous eating out of an animal skull. I grabbed my spoon and scooped a little bit of the contents. The taste was overwhelmingly salty and rich. It definately not something I wanted in my mouth for very long, so I swallowed quickly.

"It doesn't look like she likes skull stew," Sisma laughed. "If her expression is any indcator anyway."

I forced a smile on my face and continued to eat what was on my plate and did not touch the contents of the skull again. A few moments later, I started feeling rather warm and a little queezy.

"Are you all right?" Sisma asked worriedly.

"I'll be fine in a minute," I muttered. "I don't think klingon food agrees with me."

"Do you want an antacid?" She asked.

I shook my head. "I'll be all right in a minute."

We continued eating for a while and then this wave of nausea crossed my stomach. I felt faint. Sisma seemed to notice. She instantly pulled out her medical tricorder and scanned me.

"You're having an allergic reaction," Sisma announced. "I'll get a hypospray."

Sisma ran off to her bed and pulled a box out from under it. She rustled through the various viles until she found the one she was looking for. She put it in her hyposprayer, came back over to the table, and injected my neck. I felt better within a few minutes. 

"Thanks, Sisma," I said.

"Not problem," she replied, and returned to eating her skull stew. I didn't see how she could stomach it.

I felt bad that I got sick from B'Liz's meal. She didn't cook for us often, so I was inclined to appreciate it when she did. I hoped she didn't feel bad that I got ill. But you can't always tell what a klingon is feeling.

After dinner, Sisma went to use the sonic-shower and Jala arrived right from duty. B'Liz had settled herself at her computer console. She was reading something long. 

"What are you reading?" Jala asked.

"Nothing," B'Liz muttered, turning off the screen when she tried to look at it.

"It had to be something embarrassing or you wouldn't have turned it off so fast," Jala accused. "And you're blushing."

B'Liz glared at Jala. "I am not blushing."

"Maybe not, but you look guilty," Jala insisted.

"I'm not guilty for anything," B'Liz responded as if defending her honor.

"Oh, please tell me what you were reading," Jala begged. "Please. Pretty please with a symbiant on top."

"I prefer gagh on top," B'Liz muttered.

"Really," I began. "We always said 'with kava on top'."

A/N: Basically a pointless chapter, but they're all pointless, so it's ok! 


	27. Eyes in the Dark

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Twenty Seven: Eyes in the Dark

Andrannon was transferred to another department with more room for growth. At least, that's what I heard. Vause was promoted to our department head. He was an entirely different type of commander. He was animated and understanding. For our department meeting, he had us all sit on the floor without shoes and do a cooperation chant. He did require a little more work, but it almost didn't seem as bad because he didn't snap orders at you, glare at you, and say you were doing everything wrong. I guess Andrannon didn't do those things too often, but it sure felt like she did.

The captains orders were to stop by Kenchi Prime for a trade negotiation. Almost out of habit, I checked the position of the Gundam. I was surprised to find that it was near the Kenchi system. This could be it. I had thought so many times that Joel could possibly be the guy I could stand to date for longer than three months.

Sisma was assigned to head the negotiating team since whatever we wanted to trade for was medical-related. Sisma requested B'Liz, Jala and me to be on her team. I understood B'Liz and Jala since they were the Science Officer and the Security Chief, but how did she figure that I fit in the mix. I'm an astrometrics officer, a bad one at that.

We beamed down to Kenchi Prime to meet the other negotiating team. What met us in the large, stone building were four very tall creatures with flat faces and large eyes. Each had spikey hair the color of sapphire. Jala did a quick security check through the room while B'Liz scanned with her tricorder.

"There's some sort of dampening field in here," B'Liz told Sisma. "Communications will be impossible."

"Is there some reason for this?" Sisma asked the Kenchis.

The Kenchis tilted their heads as if they didn't understand.

"Forgive them," came a deep voice from beyond the Kenchis. A human pushed forward through the tall aliens. Sisma and I took in a simultaeous breath and then let out a long sigh. This guy had semi-long dark brown hair, a neatly combed beard and the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen.

"The Kenchi are very suspicious," he said. "I am Daniel Hastings, the Kenchi's embassidor and translator."

"Translator?" I asked in surprise. "What about the Universal Translators?"

"The Kenchi do not trust that technology," Daniel Hastings told me. "The dampening field has disabled them as well."

Sisma looked over the items for trade and bargained with Daniel while I just stared. I know it was rather juvinile, but I was so mesmerized by his eyes. Sisma seemed dissatisfied with most of the things he showed her.

"I could make an offer for the debenzorall, but everything else..." Sisma trailed off.

"I understand," Daniel said lightly. He turned to the Kenchis and said somethings in their strange language, and then turned back to Sisma. "What are you prepard to offer?"

I heard something and glanced around to see Jala looking at somethings on a shelf. I wasn't sure what they were but she was fascinated by them. It occurred to me that I hadn't seen B'Liz in a little while. I figured she was fine. She was Klingon and could take care of herself. 

"Have you seen B'Liz?" Sisma asked suddenly, having realized what I had.

I shook my head. Jala came over in concern.

"We can't contact her," I muttered.

"Mr. Hastings, where do those halls lead?" Jala asked in a commanding voice.

"There are various rooms for kilometers," Daniel told her.

"It will take forever to search through all that," Jala announced.

"Maybe she'll just come back," I suggested.

"Mr. Hastings, is there any way you can convince the Kenchis to disable to dampening feild so that we can contact our crewmate?" Sisma asked him.

"I can try," he said. He went over to the Kenchis and chatted with them for a while. He came back over. "They said they will if you hurry and make a decision about the supplies and leave as soon as possible."

"That's nice of them," I muttered sacastically.

"Agreed," Sisma said. "I am willing to offer five kilos of trioxyendite for that debenzorall."

Daniel said something to the Kenchis and then smiled back. "They accept."

"Good, now turn off the dampening field," Sisma insisted.

Daniel went over to a large pad that looked like a transporter. He stood on it and did this strange sort of dance, and then came back over to us. "The dampening field has been lowered."

"What was that?" Jala asked.

"Oh," he began, laughing, "the Kenchis don't use words or codes to activate systems. They use movement. That little jig told the computer to turn off the dampening field."

We all stared at him.

"Interesting," Sisma said, her eyes lighting up. "I would really like to know how that works, but some other time considering the circumstances." She tapped her comm-badge. "Sisma to B'Liz."

"B'Liz here."

"Where are you?" Sisma demanded. "Are you all right?"

"I was just studying their Science database," B'Liz insisted.

"Well, you should have told us!" Sisma cried. "We've been so worried."

"I'm fine. I'll be back soon."

And she was. Within minutes, B'Liz came through the hall. We all decided to beam up and handle the exchange later. Once we were back on the ship, Sisma and I smiled at each other.

"That guy was so cute!" I exclaimed.

"I know! Did you see his eyes?" Sisma sighed.

Jala and B'Liz just laughed at us. 


	28. Pagh Tem Far

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Twenty Eight: Pagh-Tem-Far

Kenchi Prime didn't have a Bajoran temple, but Kenchi seven did. Normally, just being near a temple wouldn't have meant much to me, but this temple was the holder of the Orb of Identity. I thought that if maybe I could see it, I might be able to figure out what my life means.

During my shift, I checked again the position of the Gundam and found that it was indeed in the system. It was orbiting Kenchi seven. I didn't want to be the one to contact him first. I wasn't that brave. What if he thought I was being to forward? What if he had forgotten about me? 

After making a computer connection with the Gundam, I made a casual inquiry from the Gundam's computer as to where Joel was. The computer said that Joel was not onboard. If they were orbiting Kenchi seven then he was probably there. I scanned Kenchi seven for human biosigns and found that there was a small concentration of humans on a continent in the southern hemisphere. After duty, I decided to check it out. 

Kenchi seven was a desert planet, but was rich in natural mendosene. Bajor had long ago aquired rights to mining by the Kenchis. That was before the occupation of Bajor. Many Bajorans were here when news came to them that Cardassians had destroyed their homes. 

I didn't really know where to start and decided that since I was already in the neighborhood, I would check out the temple. Randomly, I spotted someone who had hair a lot like Joel's. I stood and stared a moment as this man hugged a Ktarian woman rather intimately. They kissed after that. I was frozen until he turned around, and I saw that it was indeed Joel. I knew that he couldn't have been just friends with that Ktarian woman back when I saw them on Deep Space 4. 

I made up my mind that it was none of my business, that I hardly knew him enough to care for him, and that if he saw me, I would be very embarrassed. I continued on to the temple as fast as I could without attracting attention. When I was away from the people and away from Joel, I wanted to cry.

"Is something the matter, my child?" Asked a kind Mylar.

I looked at him and shrugged.

"Why have you come, my dear?" He asked.

"I am lost, Mylar," I muttered. "I can't seem to understand myself or my life."

"Ah, and you have come to consult the Orb of Identity," he assumed.

I nodded.

He put a hand on my shoulder and smiled. "Yes, I believe you do need to consult the orb. Follow me."

I did. We entered a large chamber, and at the far end sat an orb box. 

"Open the orb when you are ready," the Mylar told me. "I will be just outside if you need me."

He started out of the chamber, and then turned back. "I suggest you pray." And then he was gone.

I stared at the orb box. I hadn't seen an orb in years, and I was afraid what I might see. I was here to get answers and I was going to get them. I walked over to the orb box and knelt before it. I prayed hard to the prophets for guidance. When I opened my eyes, I reached up and opened the doors of the box. It was so bright inside that I could barely make out the purple hourglass shape. The swirling orb seemed to expand suddenly until the light completely engulfed me. Before my consciousness flashed images. There were images of the past, of my childhood. I saw the first boy I ever liked. I saw myself kneeling before the first orb I ever saw. I saw my best friend being ordained a prylar. The images flashed faster. I could see Vedek services and Kai addresses that I had witnessed throughout my life. I saw the sacred text of the prophets before me. My reflection in a mirror gazed back at me. I was dressed in an orange robe. There was another bright light, and then it all went black. 

I was awoken by the Mylar. He held out a hand to me and I took it. When I was back on my feet, I looked at the orb. The doors were now closed. That was all there was.

"Is that my path?" I said in a whisper.

"I suggest, my child," the Mylar began, "that you ponder these images. They may not all make sense right now. But as you pray and ponder and study, the meaning will come to you."

But I knew what it meant. I was just scared to admit it. I did as the Mylar suggested anyway. I spent days praying to my shrine, studying the words of the Kai, and thinking a great deal about it. I kept coming to the same conclusion.

I sat alone in my quarters contemplating as I looked over my resignation from Starfleet. I knew I would have to turn it it eventually, but that didn't mean I had to do it now. I closed the file, and then started a recording to my mom.

"Hey, mom. I'm so glad that dad is doing better. Are you sick of Earth yet?" I laughed nervously. "Mom, I have been thinking about something for quite some time. It has always been on my mind, and now I know for certain that it is my destiny. Mom, the prophets have revealed to me that I am to quit Starfleet and train to be a vedek." 


	29. Qapla

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Twenty Nine: Qapla'

My mom was overjoyed when she found out I wanted to be a Vedek. She thought it was the best thing in the world. She had a better reaction than I did. I knew it was what the prophets wanted me to do, but I was still scared to death. I was a horrible astrometrics officer, how could I hope to be a good Vedek? There was so much I had to do. I just didn't feel up to the task. When I told my mom all of this, she sent me a message back.

"Lina, trust in the Prophets. They know so much more than we do. They will guide you rightly. If they say that you should be a Vedek than, through them, you can be."

From then on, I prayed for the strength to accept the Prophet's will.

I had just gotten off of duty when B'Liz burst into my room and said, "Want to go on a rescue mission?"

I had to look at her a moment before I really understood what she said. I looked around myself, trying to figure if I had time. 

"When are you going?" I asked her.

"Right now," B'Liz said with excitement, and then left my quarters as suddenly as she had entered.

It was explained to me quickly by an aggitated Sisma that her parents were stuck in the gravety of a blackhole in the Mantua system and had put out a distress signal. Sisma said she would go, but she was needed to aid the medical team on Gargos VII. If we were going to go on a resuce mission, we needed a good pilot. Kai knows that I was no pilot and B'Liz hadn't flown in quite a while herself. We knew that Darren, though, was a fair pilot and he had just gotten off duty. When we related the story to him, Darren stared as if he didn't quite understand, but agreed anyway. While Sisma ran off to transport to Gargos, B'Liz, Darren and I got into a shuttle and headed out to find Sisma's parents.

"Where exactly is the Mantua system?" Darren asked when we were out of the shuttlebay.

I was a blank. "I have no idea. B'Liz?"

She shrugged.

"Great!" I exclaimed. "Well, I'm the astrometrics officer here, so I guess I should do something."

I got on to the navigational computer and checked the system database for the Mantua system. It seemed that even with a map right in front of us, we all seemed to argue about which was the best way to go. It didn't take us too long to get there, but it would have taken less time if we had agreed on a path and if we hadn't gone the wrong direction a couple of times. B'Liz finally spotted the blackhole on the sensor grid. 

"There is it," B'Liz pointed out.

"Is the ship still there?" I asked urgently.

"Yes," B'Liz said. "But it looks as if their purpulsion system is failing. They won't be able to fight the gravety much longer."

"Get closer, Darren!" I ordered him as if I was his supirior. 

Darren flew into transporter range. I got a lock on them and beamed the two Vegans aboard. The ship was sucked into the blackhole soon after. Sisma's parents were two, pleasent people with silver hair. They were very grateful that we had gotten there. Sisma's father was quite interested in talking to Dallin about the shuttle and its capabilities. Sisma's mom recognized B'Liz and my names and was excitedly asking us about things personal to us. In my case, she asked about my father's wellfare. I told her he was well considering the situation. 

When we got back to the ship, we made sure that Sisma's parents were comfortable in guest quarters, and then contacted Sisma so she knew they were all right. I returned to my room where Jala was already. She was upset at some people at work and very nearly pulled a phaser on one of them. Hoping to change her mood and to not have a repeat of a past mistake where I neglected to tell her something, I decided she should know my decision.

"Jala, I have something to tell you," I said happily, sounding more confident about it than I felt. "I am quitting starfleet."

"What?" She asked in surprise.

"Yes," I muttered. "I- uh- I want to become a Vedek."

"That's great!" Jala exclaimed and came over to hug me. 

Everyone else thought it was such a great idea. Why was I fighting it? I had always had this desire to be a Vedek. Now I knew it was my destiny, so why was I fighting it?

"Don't make a big deal about it, ok?" I said uncomfortably. "I don't want it going crazy all over the ship."

"You mean I can't tell anyone?" Jala asked.

"I'll tell people when I feel it's right to tell them," I told her.

Jala nodded and hugged me again. 

After she left my quarters, I did feel better that I had told someone. It was enough for me that moment that someone knew other than my parents. I wanted to keep it that way for a time. 


	30. Final Mission

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Thirty: Final Mission

Everyone in the astrometrics lab was complaining about Vause and his incessant talking. It was true that Vause tended to voleteer information that no one really wanted to hear. I did remember an instance were he told an irrelevant story of him getting a Narcadian cuss word tatooed in a strange place on his body. That was more than I needed to know. But I couldn't believe they were complaining about him more than they had about Andrannon. 

"Oh, no! Here he comes," grumbled one of the officers.

Vause came up and announced to the department, "Captain Paris has instructed all department heads to announced that the Wasatch is being decommissioned at the end of the month."

General shock filled the astrometrics lab. 

"Decomissioned," I whispered to myself, not quite believing it.

"If I were you, I would think about where you would like to be reassigned," Vause added.

B'Liz, Jala, Sisma and I were talking about the decomission over dinner at Sisma's quarters. 

"It's so weird," Jala muttered. "We aren't going to see each other anymore unless we all request to be assigned to the same place."

"I have been meaning to do some research into the Boisen plague," Sisma said. "I will probably request to go there."

"You don't want to be on a starship?" Jala asked.

"No," Sisma shrugged. "Don't get me wrong. I have loved traveling among the stars, but I think this plague is going to only get worse. Besides, I'll still have Peter if I want to go anywhere."

"I think I'll probably return to the Morgan," I voiced. "I did really like it on the Morgan. It was the first ship I had ever been assigned to."

"The Morgan is as good a place as any," B'Liz shrugged.

"Maybe I'll try to get assigned to the Morgan as well," Jala said. "That way, we can still hang out all the time."

"And I can come visit you guys," Sisma pointed out.

We were all talking contentedly until it hit me. I think Jala may ahd realized the same thing I did because we looked at each other.

"Wait," I muttered. "I'm not going to be reassigned. I don't think I will continue in startfleet."

Sisma and B'Liz looked at me.

"I'm quitting starfleet to be a Vedek," I went on, hoping they didn't make a big deal out of it.

They didn't. B'Liz seemed rather indifferent to the idea, and Sisma said it was neat. I was glad for their tame responses. I would have gotten embarrassed if they had gone crazy over the idea.

From then on, it seemed like someone had to announce when something would be our last together. Jala pointed out when we played out last holonovel together. Sisma told us when she gave her last annual physical of the crewman. They were really going emotional over missing everyone. I felt bad that I wasn't being emotional about it. I guess I would miss them, but I wasn't going to miss them until they were gone. I wasn't really thinking too much about it. Besides, I was getting a little distracted by the rules of engaging in the Vedek order. There were a lot of texts to study and habits to encorporate in your life. With that and preparing the astrometrics data we had collected over the last year for datastream transmission to starfleet, things were begining to get hectic.

There was a reception one night, just to say goodbye to everyone. I couldn't believe how many people there were on the ship who I didn't know. I kept hoping to see certain people, but I didn't see them. Dustin and Josh had been transfered sometime during the year. When I saw Whitley and Tiffany, I thought of Bryce and looked around that area for him. It took a moment for it to sink in that he wasn't there. Sisma and I were both having a hard time being there. We told Jala and Colban that we were leaving and then went back to Sisma's quarters. B'Liz was there. She avoided ship functions when possible. 

I didn't want to go back to my quarters, so I ended up sleeping on the floor between Sisma and B'Liz's beds. I left the next morning before either of them had woken up. I took a long sonic shower and then began to pack all the things in my quarters. You can never start packing too early. 


	31. The Beginning of the End

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Thirty-One: The Beginning of the End

I had it scheduled to stop by the Bajoran temple on Tubercue II to undertake the first ceremony. I was a little nervous about going by myself, but I didn't want to bother anyone else with it. They all had co much to do to get ready for the decommission, so I went by myself. First, I had to pray for an hour. I wasn't exactly sure what I was supposed to pray about. I knew this was my path. I just prayed for strength to get through this ceremony without fainting. I knew what was coming up and I was really not looking forward to it. 

I was laid on what looked like a sacrificial alter, which didn't help in aleviating my fear. Two seasoned Vedeks came forward. Each held down my upper arm with one hand and held a small needle in the other. The one on my right, a woman, smiled at me and told me to breath deeply. I nodded and tried to do as she said. It's funny how you can build all this fear and anxiety in your mind until you are sure you are about to experience the biggest trial in your life, and it turns out to be a couple of pricks which weren't bad at all. 

The last part of the ceremony was to make a written pledge to foresake my worldly goods and devote myself body and soul to the prophets. 

I left feeling exhausted. 

When I got back to my post, Davon Print was there doing some sort of power transfer on my conduit.

"Hey," I greeted.

"Hi," he said, looking at me contemplatively. "Is this your station?"

"Yeah," I responded, shocked he didn't remember. "You fixed it for me last month."

"Oh, yes," he nodded. "I do remember that."

I half-smiled, waiting for him to finish it up.

"Do you like working in astrometrics?" He asked.

"Not really," I muttered.

"I am actually taking classes from the academy by correspondance because I wasn't really satisfied with my area," Davon told me. I was sure I had heard him say all this before.

"You are a very serious person, aren't you?" Davon asked.

I was surprised by this. "I wasn't aware that I am."

"You have a dry humor is all I mean," he went on. "You say something funny, but act like you didn't. I find that interesting."

I wasn't even aware I had said anything funny. I didn't remember him laughing. I didn't remember trying to make him laugh. I couldn't think of anything I could have said that would have been interpreted as funny. He was a very interesting person, though very odd. I had to wonder about him. 

After he left my station to return to Engineering, he turned back and smiled at me. I found myself smiling back sincerely. I'm not exactly sure why. I shrugged it off and went to work. 

I filed out my resignation to starfleet. I decided to send it straight to headquarters since the Wasatch was being decommissioned soon and Paris was busy enough with that. 

A/N: I completely made up all the ceremonies to fit my situation. Just so you know, that last part where I had to sacrifice all my worldly goods and devote myself body and soul. Well, that was me signing the check to pay for the blood tests. That was hard. 


	32. Blessed of the Prophets

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Thirty-Two: Blessed by the Prophets

"Could you tell B'Liz that I need her?" Sisma requested.

I nodded, putting down the novel I was reading. I went into the bedroom and saw B'Liz sprawled out on the bed.

"B'Liz, Sisma needs you," I told her. 

She rolled onto her side, without opening her eyes.

"B'Liz, are you geting up?"

She made a noise. She had heard me, which was my task, so I left her. I went back to where Sisma was cooking.

"She didn't get up," I told her.

"But I need someone to grate the cheese," Sisma muttered.

"I'll do it," I offered.

"Would you?" Sisma asked with a smile.

I just nodded, washed my hands, and got to grating. Sisma continued to stir the other parts of the meal. I was excited about it. Tacos. It was supposedly a popular food on Earth. I ahd heard much about it and wanted to try one.

"Well, dinner's about done," Sisma announced, giving the legumes one last stir. "Will you tell B'Liz that dinner is done?"

I went off instantly to where B'Liz slept. She was exactly how I left her. I had to wonder if all Klingons slept as much as B'Liz did.

"B'Liz dinner's done," I told her.

B'Liz made a noise.

"Are you coming?" I asked.

There was silence for a moment. She let out a "uh-uh." I couldn't believe she was tired enough to miss out on food. When I returned to Sisma, I told her what happened. She shrugged and we sat down to eat. We began to assemble tacos. As soon as out shells were stuffed, Sisma smirked excitedly and said, "On the count of three. One, two, three."

We both bit into our tacos at once. Half of her contents fell onto her plate, and I got beans and salsa all over my face. We looked at each other and busted up laughing. After we were filled, the two of us began to clean everything up.

"I can't believe B'Liz is still asleep," I said. "When did she get to bed last night?"

"Uh," Sisma mused on that. "You know, I'm not sure if she ever did get to bed until this morning. She was called on-duty last night."

"Oh, no wonder," I muttered, feeling bad that I had thought her lazy.

The Wasatch had to stop off at Deep Space 6 for some minor repairs. I took the opportunity to take the second right of my vedek training. This was another minor ceremony. They asked me to wear a short cotton dress to symbolize purity. They showed me a certain dance I had to do to ceremonial music. I felt silly doing the dance. Left hand out. Right knee up. Tilt back head, and then spin it around. Touch your toes. Take off your clothes. Ok, maybe that was later. 

Next, they placed a long, heavy robe over my shoulders and showed me into a dark room. I was seated on a rug on the floor. Seven mylars filed into the room, each with a candle. They chanted and circled me. It was quite relaxing actually.

Last was less than comfortable. That was the part where I took off my clothes. I had to lay there while I had oil consecrated by the prophets rubbed all over me. According to the people I talked to, this was supposed to be relaxing. I didn't find it very relaxing. 

Last, but not lease, the Vedek of the temple prayed long and hard for me. He came out of the little room after what seemed like forever to give me advice from the prophets. He smiled at me and said, "The prophets say 'be positive.'"

After all the discomfort and craziness, I actually left feeling quite good. 

A/N: Forgive any spelling errors and things. I am really trying to pop out these chapters because I have something I really want to get to. 


	33. Cherish What We Had

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Thirty-Three: Cherish What We Had

The time was near at hand. I watched day by day at my astrometrics station as Earth got closer. Suddenly, the time was upon us. We docked into Utopia Planetia. I had so much to do before my family arrived to take me back to Bajor. I had so much to do. As much as I needed to do other things, I couldn't help but seek out my friends. I went to Sisma and B'Liz's quarters. 

"Guess what I got!" Sisma exclaimed and pointed at a box with data screen on it. 

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's a television," Sisma giggled. "Earth people used to use them for entertainment. What was once really popular among them was moving drawings from Japan? It's kind of like a holonovel, but you just watch."

"Weird," I muttered.

"Come, watch with us," Sisma insisted.

I agreed to it. Who knows how it happened, but we watched that television for ten hours. I was surprised by how addicting the thing was. When there was an action-packed scene, we screamed and jumped up and down. When something sad or romantic would happen in the story, Sisma and I would hold onto each other. At one point, I spent some time brushing out Sisma's long, silver hair. 

Jala joined us a couple time, leaving and then coming back. At the end of the show, Sisma turned off the television and we all stood in the darkness, still staring at the screen. It was passed zero-three-hundred hours and I still had so much to accomplish.

"I can't believe you aren't going to be around anymore," Jala said to me.

I glanced down at the floor.

"You've always been here, even when there was leave," she went on. 

She started crying, and I noticed that Sisma's eyes were teary too. I pasted an awkward smile on my face. It was the one I used when I didn't know how to react, or I wanted to fight off an emotion.

"Well, keep in contact, right?" I asked.

"Yes, but you had better come to see me before you disembark tomorrow," Sisma demanded. "Even if I'm asleep. Come and wake me up."

I nodded, glad that they cared so much. Jala and I said our goodnights, and then headed to our own quarters. 

"I'm going to miss you," Jala told me.

I half-smiled. It's what I do. I thought it better not to admit to my emotions. It wasn't to hide them from people. It was just to protect myself from those feelings. It isn't often that I let out my emotions in front of people. I sometimes feel insensitive because of it. I do feel those feelings, even if I don't always show it.

I told Jala goodnight and then ducked into my quarters. When I was finally alone, I felt this cholking in my chest and my stomach got ill. 

I couldn't sleep. I wasn't tired. I don't know quite why. When I was a child, I used to think that if I never went to bed, I would never wake up. And if I didn't wake up, the next day couldn't begin. So if I just stayed awake, that night could last forever. It was silly and it caused problems in school. Now, I am older and wiser. But I wonder if deep down, I still believe it.

I took the time to pack some of my things that I hadn't be abel to pack before. I had so much to do. I wished I could stay up all night and do it, but I couldn't risk it. I didn't know what would happen. I had never gone on zero sleep before and the next day was going to be very hectic. 

As I layed alone in my bed, I started to cry. This ship had been my home for so long. I had really felt like I belonged here. I just couldn't believe it was being decommissioned and that I was actually leaving Starfleet. I couldn't believe that these friends who had become practically family to me were no longer going to be around everyday. It didn't seem quite fair that we had to go our separate ways. I could no longer punch B'Liz when I felt playful. I could no longer talk to Sisma when I was feeling sad so she can cheer me with her silliness. I could no longer flirt with Darren when I was bored. I could no longer embarrass Hannah by acting totally crazy in the mess hall. All these things and people who I have come to love so dearly were no longer going to be within reach. Those friends have given my life meaning this semester. They have cheered and guided me. They have tolerated and understood me. They have hugged and fed me. They have pulled me through the hardest thing I have ever gone through and have helped me make the biggest decision of my life thus far. I have not found accomplishment. I have not found the man of my dreams. I have not found great treasures of knowledge. I have not even found myself. But I have found some of the truest friends I will ever have. They were always there for me, and I will always love them for it. They have meant more to me than they will ever know. I hope the prophets smile upon them and lead them into pathes of greatest happiness. 

A/N: The chapter is short, but I figured this was a good place to end it. Don't worry. This isn't the real end of the story. I will try to continue to write chapters until I go on my mission. Thank you guys so much for everything! 


	34. Without Cause

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names.

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable.

Ode to A Starship

by Lina Shay

Chapter Thirty-Four: Without Cause

I awoke feeling as if I was in a mystic world. I knew I had to get up because magical artifacts beckoned to be stolen by me, the Phantom thief. I realized in moments that I was not a Phantom theif, and that he was only a character in the television show I watched last night. I rolled over to go back to sleep. I was nearly asleep when it hit me that I didn't need to get up even if I wasn't a phantom thief. I had still so much to do before my brother came to get me that day.

I forced myself out of bed and began packing like mad. Time was slipping away. I got ready quickly to attend my last duty shift. I had to go through all the data, delete what was irrelevant, and compress the rest for transfer to the Starfleet central database. When the whole mess was cleaned up, barely had time to get to the office of the commander of Utopia Planetia. She looked at my resignation and then smiled at me.

"May I ask what made you decide to quit Starfleet?" 

I lowered my head. She was human. I didn't think she would really understand if I explained it to her.

"It's because," I began, "I don't like my job. In fact, I hate it. I just know that Starfleet isn't right for me."

"What don't you like about your job?" She asked.

I stared off a moment. "I feel insignificant. My whole existence seems so pointless when I'm standing at my station all day, categorizing stars. The endless reports you have to write ar a nightmare."

"Is it possible that you are feeling limited by your field?" She asked. "You feel you are supposed to have a greater purpose."

Maybe she could understand after all.

"Starfleet would hate to lose an officer like you, but it seems you have something greater planned for yourself," the commander suggested.

"Commander Peg," I began, not looking at her, "I want to explore myself and really put my soul into my faith."

The commander leaned forward on her desk. "May I offer you some advice."

I nodded.

"I think that you need to take some time for Lina. I think you should figure out what you want out of life and not let anything, even your own limitations stand in your way."

"But how am I-" I began to ask.

"I can't answer that," she insisted. "Only you can."

I left her office feeling a bit confused. When I got back to my quarters, Jala and Sisma were waiting for me.

"Lina!" Sisma came up and hugged me. Following her, Jala hugged me.

"When do you leave?" Sisma asked.

"In about an hour," I told her. "As soon as my brother comes."

"The captain said since you're leaving Starfleet," Jala said. "She wanted to see you off."

I rolled my eyes.

"Is Darren still on duty?" I asked the two of them.

"I'm pretty sure," Jala answered.

"Oh, I kind of wanted to see him before I left," I muttered, "but I guess it doesn't matter."

"Do you want me to give him a note?" Jala asked.

I shook my head. I could always send a message to him when I got home.

"Oh, I made you something," Sisma said, taking a canvas from beside my bed and handing it to me.

I was astonished when I looked at it. Sisma had painted me.

"It was just from memory, so it doesn't look as good as I wanted," Sisma muttered.

"No, it looks awesome!" I insisted. "I didn't know you were so artistic."

"I want to do another of you," Sisma said excitedly. "I want to paint a full-length one, but you won't be here to pose. So I brought my holo-imager."

Sisma pulled it out from who knows where.

"Strike a pose!" She told me.

I did, and she flashed the imager.

"Hey, you didn't paint a picture of me," Jala voiced.

"Ok, I'll take a picture of you, so I can paint you. Pose."

"How do you want me to pose?"

I don't quite know how it was decided, but it came to the point where I had to move Jala's limbs as if she was a mannequin while Sisma waited with her holo-imager. While I was on the floor, trying to put Jala's foot in the prefect spot, the door chimed.

"Come in!" Sisma called.

Darren walked in and looked at me and Jala oddly. I was too excited to care. It wasn't a goodbye-type hug. it was a run into their arms because you haven't seen them in weeks hug. Why did I give him a hug like that? Maybe it was because it was the last time I would be able to hugn him and I wanted it to count.

Just then, the door chimed again. I actually answered it because I was close now. My brother Alym was at the door. I hugged him, too.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"Not yet," I muttered. "Captain Paris wants to see me off."

We stood around waiting for some time. It got to the point where I was getting really anxious. I hit my comm badge.

"Shay to the captain."

"Yes, Shay. What's up?"

"I'm preparing to disembark. Did you want to see me?"

"Oh, yeah! I'll be right there."

"Right there" must be a relative term. it seemed like we were waiting forever. Finally, the door chimed and it was her. Captain Paris glanced over my room quickly. 

"It seems in good order," she told me. "I'll walk you to the shuttle bay."

On the way, which we all went, Paris cheerfully made joke and told me what a valued memeber of her crew I was.

"Dent to the Captain."

Paris tapped her comm badge and responded, "Hey, Dent. Anything wrong?" 

"I think you had better come to the bridge immediately," Dent went on.

"I'll be there in a sec," she said and then turned to me. "Sorry. What was your name again? Swartz? I've got to go. Have a good trip."

Paris went off down the hall just as B'Liz came bounding up. Ever been hugged by a klingon? Not many have. Let me tell you what it's like. First, they are extraordinarily strong. A good klingon hug could crush your bones. Second, klingons are tall and have the tendency to overpower one. Don't get me wrong, I was happy B'Liz came up to hug me, but it was a little odd. 

B'Liz joined us walking to the shuttle bay. Suddenly, a red alert sounded. Two people beamed in front of us. One was a tall, dark-haired man and the other was Lt. Alejandra of security. The two of them were in maquis clothing and pointed phasers at us. 

"Alejandra, what's this?" Jala asked.

"Don't play innocent," Alejandra laughed. "You knew this was coming. Your betazoid friend Colban must have sensed it."

"He didn't say anything," Jala insisted.

"Maybe he's on our side then," Alejandra shrugged.

"That's not true!" Jala shouted.

Just then, B'Liz lunged forward and tackled the dark-haired guy. This distracted Alejandra long enough that B'Liz could pull out her gun and shoot Alejandra, who fell to the ground stunned.

"Jala to the captain. We've apprehended two maquis."

"Good job, Lt. Comm. The rest have been captured as well. Paris out."

A/N: Just so you know, Alejandra actually avoided Colban so he wouldn't read her mind. She just said all that to get Jala's goat. So, we still love Colban! He's not a traitor.


	35. Family Problems

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names.

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable.

Ode to A Starship

by Lina Shay

Chapter Thirty-Five: Family Problems

It seemed as if each person hugged me three times. I promised to contact them all, and then climbed inside of my brother's shuttle. They waved as we disembarked. We went through the shield and flew out toward the stars. I watched the starship Wasatch get smaller and smaller. It weighed on my heart.

"Brother," I said to Alym, "don't be surprised if I randomly start to cry." As I said it, my voice cracked. That crack was the trigger. I started bawling. My brother turned away, pretending that he didn't see. Eventually, my tears dried and I stared sadly out at the stars. My brother was silent. I wished he would say something. I started dozing off and was nearly asleep when Alym landed the shuttle in the front yard.

The hut I had previously stayed in had gotten larger. They must have added on to the point it was almost a house. There was a second hut nearby. Alym helped me get my things inside. My sister, Teffan, didn't greet me as warmly as she had the last time.

"Where should I put my stuff?" I asked her.

"I had planned to put you in mom and dad's room, but since they're coming home next week-" She began.

"No, they're coming tomorrow night," Alym corrected her.

"I thought they were coming later today," I told them.

"Just sleep in the family room on that cot," Teffan said.

I put some of my things next to the cot. Alym put everything else in the smaller hut. When he was done, Alym left to go back to his own house. 

"I'll be at work all day tomorrow," my sister told me. "You can eat whatever I have. Make sure to fill out the form I left for you."

"Can I use your computer while you're gone?" I asked.

"Sure," she shrugged. "But we don't have communications off the planet. You'll have to go to the relay station for that."

I slept as well as I could with a fuzzy animal lying on my shoulder. My sister's pet hara cat, Mimi, used to sleep in her room, but since that stray had a litter in her room, Mimi has had to stay in the family room. Poor Mimi. She's like me, forced out of where she belongs.

I woke up when my sister left for work. I went back to sleep for a while, and then finally got up. I went over to the hut where my things were. I spent a lot of time moving things around and making room for myself to live there. I couldn't continue to live on that cot for the remainder of the summer.

A little after noon, I got done with my space in the hut. I returned to the main house to find mom and dad inside. Dad was sitting in a chair in the family room, staring into space. Mom took one second to wave at me and then ran to the bathroom. 

"Hi, daddy," I said and hugged him.

"Hi, baby," he murmured. "Do you see the kittens?"

"What kittens?" I asked, looking around.

"The kittens," he muttered, his eyes glazed over.

Mom ran back into the room.

"He said he saw kittens," I told her.

"Yeah, he's been seeing kittens since his new medication," Mom explained. "He sees a lot of weird things. I need to give him his clokobex and he'll be out like a light."

Mom took one of dad's hands and pulled him out of the chair. She held him up as she said, "Hand me those crutches."

I grabbed them and handed them to her. Dad walked better on the crutches than before. He was more used to his bionic leg, I guess. She took him off to the bedroom. After a few moments, mom came back out.

"He has bad days and good days," she said quietly. "Today's a bad day. It's best if he sleeps for a while."

I sat down on the cot. I kept thinking dad would come back to being himself. But it seemed as if as soon as I could recognize him again, the had to do another sergery and give more medication. He becomes a zombie again. I hate seeing him like that. 

When Teffan came home from work, we played a few games and then went to bed. I was so tired. More than usual. Teffan had said that she would take me to the relay station the next morning, but she wasn't awake when I got up. I started reading the words of the Kai when I heard my mom cry out. I got up and went to look. I got there just as mom was closing the bathroom door. 

"Dad fell," she told me. "It wasn't too bad, but it's not good for him to fall at all. It will aggravate things." She put the back of her hand against her head. "I am so tired, Lina. I can't sleep with him groaning all night."

I didn't know what to say. How could I help? I almost felt more helpless at home than at school.


	36. Gone Wrong

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names.

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable.

Ode to A Starship

by Lina Shay

Chapter Thirty Six: Gone Wrong

I took a long shower. As soon as I got out, I got dressed and sat on the chair in the family room. Teffan was sitting at her computer and mom was going through some papers.

"You're going to get dirty today," my mom told me. "I would put on some older clothes."

"Dirty? What do you mean?"

"You're going to help me fix the waste processing system," Mom informed. "You or Teffan."

"I worked all day," Teffan reminded. "Today's my one day off. Oh, by the way, Lina, you have an interview Monday at fourteen hundred hours."

"I need to get my work visa renewed," I muttered.

"You should have done that earlier," Mom said.

"She had a lot of other things to do, Mom," Teffan defended.

I was surprised that my sister actually stood up for me. When I was younger, it seemed that Teffan was always the one attacking me, and Mom was the one defending. When did it change?

After Mom had fed Dad, she told me that I really needed to change so I did. I followed Mom outside. While she crawled under the house to the waste processing unit, I sat near the house and waited for orders. I mostly just got tools when she asked me to. Sometimes she had me go ask Dad what she was supposed to do about a certain problem. Dad would stare off into space a moment, ask me what the question was, think some more, and then mumble an answer.

When mom had gone to the market to buy parts for the waste processor, Dad sat up and decided he wanted to go for a walk. We gave him his crutches. Teffan and I had to stand on either side of him his phaser rifles. He checked each one over. I wasn't very comfortable with him playing with phasers when he was on medication.

When Mom got back, she insisted that he couldn't go certain places he wanted to go. He kept wanting to go down paths that were dangerous to a man on crutches.

Acting like a child, Dad said, "You never let me do anything."

His back began to hurt, so we helped him back into the house.

Mom came in the family room the next day, grumbling, "It broke again."

"What broke?" I asked.

"The waste processing unit," she told me.

"You just fixed it," I complained.

"I know!" She exclaimed. "We'll have to do that later, though. We have to renew your work visa before your interview with the First Contact Commission."

I got dressed in nice clothes. When I came back to the house, Mom had set Dad in his chair.

"Give me my crutches," Dad said, reaching for them.

"No, you don't," Mom argued. "You aren't going to be walking around by yourself. Just stay there and read or something."

Mom and I went to the Office for Employment. The woman there told me to fill out an application. Once I did, she imprinted my DNA in the computer and looked up my work history.

"Starfleet, huh?" She asked. "Don't see many of your type back here."

She scanned the visa into the computer and then handed it to me. "This will be valid until you leave the planet for over a year."

I nodded and went back with my mom to the transport. We arrived at the First Contact Commission after a hot and stuffy ride. I was glad to get inside the building. The woman there told me to wait, so I did. My mind was wandering when a tall man with dark hair came out of the back room. He waved to me.

"Kenned!" I cried, surprised to see him. I got up to hug him. "I didn't know you worked here."

"Well, I've worked here for a while," he told me, looking around as if he was nervous.

"If I get a job here, we could see each other every day," I pointed out.

His eyes lit up in a handsome way. "That would be cool."

"Lina, Major Seu will see you now," the secretary announced.

"I got to get back to work anyway," he muttered, and then disappeared into the back room without really saying goodbye.

I went in to see Major Seu. I think the interview was all right, but I kept thinking about Kenned and remembering old times. I met him in school, before I had even left for Starfleet. I tried to get him to come with me to Starfleet academy, but he wouldn't. He wanted to work on his art. Before I left for the academy, he told me that he loved me. I had loved him at a point as well, but it seemed that we couldn't be in love with each other at the same time. I still deeply cared for him, and I even found myself daydreaming about kissing him after my interview. That would just make things complicated, though.

Just as Mom and I got back to the house, my brother, Aax, Penby and Anthon arrived at the same time. Anthon hugged me only on Penby's request. It wasn't too horrible that he didn't recognize me again. I never was good with kids anyway. Penby was huge, about ready to give birth any week. Mom talked with Aax while I went up into the house. When I opened the door, I glanced at the chair first and dad was gone. Then I saw him lying on the ground.

"Daddy!" I cried, kneeling down beside him.

Mom came in instantly and got beside him as well. Dad was crying, saying we had to get his leg off. Mom pulled off his bionic leg. I got up and out of the way, because I was always in the way in these situations. My mom called Aax to come help her. The two of them was able to get him into his wheelchair.

"What were you trying to do?" Mom demanded. "I told you stay where you are."

"I wanted to get to my chair," he breathed, his scarred face all red.

I am so helpless.

A/N: Sorry the last couple chapters were underlined. It was an accident. Ta-he!


	37. Chapter 37

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names.

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable.

Ode to A Starship

by Lina Shay

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Dad started crying randomly at breakfast. Mom hugged him and asked him what was wrong, but he didn't answer. I didn't know how to help, so I got the tissues.

Mom decided that we had better fix up some of the old induction field generators so that we could sell them. Dad walked around the property on his crutches for a while, but got too tired. We let him sit in the house, while Mom and I checked out the generators. I really had no idea what I was looking at since I nearly failed general engineering at the academy.

"Get the field coil from that generator," Mom told me. "We'll have to see if it will fit on this one."

I ran over to the generator she indicated and looked at the machine. I felt like such a child again. This was exactly what I used to do with my father when I was little. I ran around and got what people asked for.

"Mom," I cried. "What's a field coil look like?"

Mom stopped what she was doing, her arms half inside the generator. "Uh, it's hard to describe. It's large and round. No, it's more cylinder, with a round end. It has a handle on one side and a keypad on the opposite side."

I opened the flap of the generator and looked inside at the different parts. I looked at it from different angles, but couldn't find the thing she had described.

"Mom, I don't see it!" I called to her.

"Look from the bottom of it," Mom said. "In different classes of generator, they tend to put things in different places."

I opened another hatch on the lower east side. I saw a handle sticking out, so I stuck my head in there. It sure looked like what Mom had described. I squeezed my hand in and pulled the handle down. It wasn't moving.

"Mom, it won't move!" I cried.

Mom came running up and told me to move. As I pulled my head and arm out of the hatch, a part of my shirt tore and my arm was scratched. I grumbled unhappily.

"That happens when you do work," she told me.

Mom crawled into the hatch and pulled at the coil.

"What's that keypad for anyway?" I asked.

"It's a command pad for the coil flow," Mom explained.

"If the flow was open, then that would prevent us from removing it, right?" I wondered alloud.

Mom glanced at me in thought. "I don't think it would be open, but I guess I could try that."

Mom switched on the generator, which hummed ominously. I jumped back, while mom crawled back in and fiddled inside.

"Are you sure it's safe to be reaching in there when the thing's on?" I asked.

Mom didn't even pay any attention to me. She pulled out the field coil and handed it to me.

"You were right," she told me. "You could be a good engineer."

I knew she was teasing. I would never want to be an engineer.

I had class that night. It wasn't class like I had at the academy. It was a schooling in the will of the prophets. I hadn't been to this class in so long and I missed the friends I had there. When I got there, class had already started. I sat in the back by someone I barely recognized. There weren't many people there I knew.

I found that I had a hard time paying attention even though I was planning on entering the order of vedek. You would think that I would have been able to pay full attention, but I couldn't.

After class, I went over to my old friends Sava and Truda. Truda wasn't in a very good mood since her brother, who had been missing since his last mission for the militia, had been found dead. Sava was as happy as usual.

"Sava," I began. "Where's Kenned?"

She rolled her eyes. "My brother is at home. He said he had a million things to do before work tomorrow, so he didn't come."

"He should have known I would be here," I muttered. "Maybe he's avoiding me."

"I doubt that," Sava laughed.

"By the way, I got hired at the First Contact Commission," I told her.

"Awesome!" Sava cried excitedly. "Then I could see you everyday."

I had a dream that I became a vedek, but everyone around me was blaspheming against the prophets. I wanted to leave and find another place to be a vedek, but they wouldn't let me leave.

A/N: This chapter doesn't have a name for the sole purpose that I couldn't think of one. And since I'm the author, I can have a chapter without a name if I want to. Got it?


	38. An Occupation of Some Kind

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Thirty-Eight: An Occupation of Some Kind

Last night, a bunch of neighborhood brats went into our backyard, smashed up those generators we had wanted to sell, and stole some of the only things that survived the Cardassian raids. It makes me sick to my stomach to think people are capable of such things. We're all here, trying to rebuild our lives. It would do us good to help each other or even mind our own business rather than tear each other down. Why must we not only fight the Cardassians and the harshness of the planet, but also fight each other?

My sister suffered the most from the loss. A great deal of the things were hers. While her and my brother, Alym, try to clean up the mess and salvage what was left behind, and Mom checks to make sure they also didn't make off with our animals, I must stay here. I had it in my mind to go and help Teffan find her things, but Dad is resting. I didn't think it would be good if we all left him here and there was some emergency, and he needed help.

I arrived at the First Contact Commission with a group of other people. I was surprised to see that half of the group were Lyaarans. It was nice to have a little variety after seeing only Bajorans since I came home. Lyaarans aren't known for being friendly, so I tried not to make contact with them. I was happy, however, to find that Manda's sister, Maran, was in my group. It was nice to have someone I knew nearby. 

For the first few hours, our major told us protocol. It was rather boring. Then she taught us a new kind of filing system they had developed. We spent the rest of the time learning it. By the time I could go home, I was sick of the place. 

While I was in town, I decided to go to the communication relay station. I was glad to find out that several of my friends had sent me messages. Colban and Darren sent very short messages. Sisma and Jala's were longer. They all seemed well. I was glad for that.

On the way home from the relay station, I saw a dead shuttle which looked quite like Peter. I liked to imagine that Sisma had come to visit me, but it was highly unlikely. 

The next day of work, I found Maran absent. When I asked the major where she was, I was told that Maran was taking classes at the academy and could only come every other day. I felt surrounded by Lyaarans. When I went outside to take a break from endless algorhythems and filing, I found one of the Lyaarans standing out there. I wouldn't have paid much attention had it not been for him talking to me.

"You look familiar," he said. "Have I seen you at Deep Space 4?"

"Maybe," I said, surprised. "The ship I was stationed on was in that area for quite a while."

He smiled, and for the first time, I realized how handsome he was. He introduced himself ar Tirell Goldak. We had a pleasant conversation which lasted until break was over. He seemed very nice and quite intelligent. I wasn't for sure if I was all that interested in him. 

Despite this, I found myself flirting with him the next day. I stood close to him when I watched him do algorhythems and I laughed at his jokes. Maran was back, which got most of my attention. We had fun entering names in the computer and trying to pronounce them. We found ourselves randomly breaking out into song. The major had to tell us to quiet down so we didn't disturb anyone.

At the break for that day, Maran and I went outside, laughing at some odd thing I said. I believe it had something to do with my doing an impression of a Vulcan and asking Maran to marry me. It sent her into fits of giggles. 

As we stood there, Kenned came out. I tried to smile at him, but he hardly even looked at me. he acknowledge me briefly, and then left as fast as possible. I didn't understand why he was trying to avoid me so much. 

I had this strange fantasy enter my head that I should grab him one of these days, pull him into an empty room and start making out with him. That would get his attention. This thought preoccupied me the rest of the day. 

As Maran and I left our shift, I spied Kenned still at his post. 

"Maran," I said as we left the building. "I am in love with someone I have no romantic interest in."

She laughed. "What are you talking about?"

"I can't stop thinking about Kenned," I told her. "I would do anything he asked me to, and I have a strong desire to randomly kiss him. But I don't want to date him at all because I don't like him that way."

She gave me an odd look. "You're weird, Lina."

"I know," I muttered. 


	39. Oops, I Did It Again

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Thirty-Nine: Oops I Did it Again

The School of the Will of the Prophets was a lot more interesting than it had been the last time. I was also pretty excited that Manda was on shore leave and came to talk. 

"Have you been in contact with Jala?" I asked her.

"She sent me a message a while back to ask if we could get together when she got settles at the new ship," Manda began, "but I haven't heard from her since. I don't know where she even is right now."

Sava and Truda sat beside me. 

"Hey!" Greeted Sava.

"Hi," I responded. "Where's Kenned?" 

"Oh, he's around somewhere," she shrugged with a large smile.

I doubted if I would see him anyway. It seemed obvious that Kenned had little interest in talking to me. I began to wonder if it wasn't a good idea for him to steer clear of me. For one, I was attracted to him. That could only mean that I would flirt with him like crazy, he would think I was serious about him, and I would end up hurting him. I happened twice before. I don't mean it to happen. I actually do really care for him, but I could never date him.

I was surprised to see Kenned standing outside the door of the school. He was talking to a girl. I was indifferent to her. I wasn't jealous, but I wasn't excited he was finally interested in someone. I punched him lightly on the arm just to remind in that I exist. 

He came up to me a little while later and asked. "So, how do you like working for the First Contact Commission?"

"It's really boring," I said with a sigh.

He smirked, making his eyes shine. "It sure is. Have you gotten the algorhythems?"

"Not quite," I muttered. "I'm really slow to remember the right algorhythems."

"Don't worry," Keened said. "You'll get it down so you couldn't dislodge it from your head with a crowbar."

He laughed at himself and then wandered off. I watched after him. I had to wonder why he always had to be in motion. He had been that way since I met him. If he wasn't drawing, he was wandering aimlessly, never staying in one place for more than a minute. I wished to understand that about him, among other things.

Kenned was nowhere in sight when I went to leave. I had wished to hug him goodnight. Sava told me that she thought he was headed to the Communication Relay Station. I thought of maybe stopping by to say hey to him- But then I got this vision of me telling him I love him and kissing him. I would never actually do it, but I figured I shouldn't go just in case. Even if I didn't kiss him, I could have a repeat of what happened a couple summers ago. I only meant to say goodnight.

FLASHBACK

"Kenned!" I called.

He looked back at me. he hadn't been in a good mood that day and I felt he needed a hug before I went home.

I walked up to him and put my arms around him.

"You looked like you needed a hug," I told him.

He smiled and thanked me. I could never resist his eyes when they shined like that.

"You're so cute!" I said before I could help it. "Isn't it horrible that after all this time, I still have a crush on you."

"I wouldn't say it was horrible," He blushed.

From there, Kenned asked me on a date, which was fun enough. but I soon realized that no matter how much I cared about him and how attracted I was to him, I just couldn't have a relationship with him. 


	40. Over the Ledge

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Forty: Over the Ledge

The Vedek Nels, the teacher of the Will of the Prophets school decided it would be a good idea for us all to see the engravings of the first Kai. We all met together and packed into a desert speeder. I was sitting a row with Van Manda and Maran. They were quite interesting companions.

"Did you know that synthehol is named after an ancient substance called alcolhol which impaired your judgment?" Manda asked.

"That guy sitting behind us is cute," Maran announced.

Occasionally, Vedek Nels stopped the transport and pointed out a point of significance. I looked behind me and noticed that Kenned was sitting between two girls. I thought that was awfully weird. Kenned never deliberately sat beside a girl, he would be too scared to. I had to wonder if those girls sat beside him because they liked him. I felt a twinge of jealously. I shouldn't be jealous. 

One of the girls took a glass of water from beside her and poured it on Kenned's head. I felt my shoulders go tense. Kenned was very sensitive. A lot of little things could set him off into a bout of panic. Kenned just sat there, a annoyed expression on his face.

"Get her back," a guy nearby said.

"I couldn't," Kenned muttered.

That girl took the drink he already had in his hand and poured it over her own head. 

"Here we are," Vedek Nels told us as he stopped the transport. "Here's where we get off."

We all disembarked slowly and then followed Vedek Nels through a forest of prickly shrubs. The sun beat down on me causing beads of sweat to gather on my forehead. We reached a large rocky hill. Vedek Nels lead the way up a treacherous path.

"Lina, we should stay here," Sava insisted.

"Well, I don't know," I muttered. "There has to be something important up there if Vedek Nels wants us to see it."

"Do what you want, but I'm staying here," Sava told me adamantly.

I did follow the group up. Many times, I thought I was going to lose my footing and tumble down the rocky hill to a quite bloody death. I made it to a landing, gasping. When the rest of the group continued to climb higher, I made up my mind that nothing could be so important as to risk one's life for. I sat down on the ground until I heard Kenned swear he would climb no longer as well. He was a bit farther down than I was. I went over to a ledge and sat down, peering down at Kenned below me.

"Hey, Kenned," I greeted. "How are you?"

"Terrible," he muttered.

This seemed like quite the change of mood. I thought he was having fun before.

"I've decided," Kenned began, climbing up the ledge to where I was, "that I'm not meant to marry."

"I'm sorry," was all I could think of to say.

"It's all right," Kenned told me. "It's not a sad thing. It's just an old man saying that he is not meant to settle down."

"You aren't old, Ken," I insisted. "You still have time."

I couldn't believe those words were coming out of my mouth. How could I have said that? Maybe I had heard it said so many times to me that it just stuck in my brain. Eventually, I had to say it. I wished I hadn't, though. It might have been a good thing for Kenned to think. They say love comes to those who aren't looking for it. I should have just let him be and kept my mouth shut. I've always had a problem in the saying what I shouldn't area.

I left Kenned before I said anything else and made it down the rocky hill. I was glad to make it down alive and was quite proud of myself. No one else was impressed. 


	41. Chapter 41

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Forty-One

Mom and Dad left for earth one day. Dad has another appointment with the specialists who had bogarted him so long so many times before. He had been doing so much better, too. He walked faster and got up mostly on his own. The problem was that this appointment would say if he needed yet another surgery. He got worse after every surgery. 

When I arrived at the First Contact Commission, the Major told me that I should try catorgologing species on my own. I was quite surprised considering that I was so lousy at the algorhythems they taught us. I actually found the work easier on my own, though I had to keep asking questions to make sure I was doing it right.

"Lina," the Major stopped me as I went to leave. "I want to to come in earlier tomorrow."

"Earlier?" I said in confusion.

"Yes, I want to get you and Tirell started on full workloads," the Major told me. "You have been doing better than most of the others."

This was a shock to me. I thought I was so much worse. It was a great boost to my self-esteem. 

During the schooling in the Will of the Prophets, I found myself staring at Kenned. We were sitting next to each other in class. I couldn't remember if it was his idea or mine. It just happened. He noticed I was staring at one point and asked why. I just smiled and shrugged. What could I say? "I am enchanted by your sparkling eyes and your sense of humor. All I can think of is touching your back and maybe kissing your ear. Would you consider being my temporary boyfriend until I go into Vedek training in a few month?" Not only did I not have the courage to say it, but I couldn't do that him or myself. If I was going to take this Vedek thing seriously, I needed no entanglements. 

I went up to Vedek Nels after class. Another student was talking to him, so I waited. When the student was done, Vedek Nels turned his attention to me.

"Can I do anything for you, Lina?" He asked.

"Yes, I wanted to talk to you about becoming a Vedek," I todl him. "I have undergone the first two rituals, but I don't know what the next step is."

He took in a deep breath and folded his arms. "If I were you, I would talk to Vedek Beav. He's oversees a great deal of the Vedek's in our area. He could help you a lot more than I could."

"How could I get in contact with Vedek Beav?" I asked.

"He resides at the Taijin Temple," Vedek Nels told me. 

"I will visit him as soon as I can," I said.

A/N: Another chapter without a title. I am sorry. I just couldn't come up with one. 


	42. Words from the Stars

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Forty-Two: Words from the Stars

My sister got a message from our parents that they would be returning from Earth the next day. They said that things were quite well, which eased my mind. When I came home from work that next day, I saw my dad up and about with only the aide of a cain. I was so glad that I hugged him straightaway.

"We met someone on Earth that I think you would like," my mom told me.

I gave her an annoyed look. "Mother, you know that I am not interested in dating right now."

"Oh, but I think you would like him," Mom insisted. "He's a really nice man."

"Ok, what kinds of things does he like?" I queried.

Mom smiled sheepishly. "Well, I'm not sure. But Colonial Reih knows him, and he's really nice. I told him to contact you."

"I don't know anything about him and neither do you," I complained.

"You can get to know him," Mom pressed. "He's really interested in meeting you."

"Why?" I asked suspiciously. "What did you tell him?"

"I told him that you were tall and thin and pretty," Mom listed. 

I shook my head. "Every mother says those kinds of things."

"Col. Reih talked you up as well," Mom told me. "Col. Reih really likes you and had a lot of nice things to say."

"What?" I exclaimed in surprise. "Col. Reih doesn't even know me."

"The man's name is Spencer," Mom told me, ignoring what I said about Col. Reih.

"Spencer? What kind of name is that?" I blurted.

"He's human," Mom shrugged.

"Does he know I'm joining the Vedek order?" I asked.

"Yes, I told him," Mom said. "He still wants to meet you. I think he's going to send a datastream this afternoon. And we now have the means to recieve it here instead of at the communications relay station."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"We set up a communications station, so we can get subspace communications here now," Mom explained. "You should check to see if he has send a message yet."

There was a spark in my mother's eyes. She was severely excited about this. I figured I would humor her and go check the new communication's station. She was right. There was a message for me from Earth, but it was read only.

"Hello, Lina. How are doing? I'm Spencer Hess from Earth. I helped your parents a little with Colonial Reih. Your mom told me that I should see if we could do something together if you want to. Just so you know, I am initiated in the Bajoran religion. I'm single, which is what happens when you don't know a lot people. I'm planning on attending Starfleet Academy this next year. I can't wait! I work with Colonial Reih on Earth. He is a nice guy and so is your dad. He was walking around last night! So this is why I'm contacting you. Do you, Lina, want to do something together? I'm not Joking. Please send a message back and let me know what you want to do. Talk to you later. Have a great Day! Spencer Hess."

He seemed all right, but so far, nothing he said sparked my interest too much. I thought I might as well send him a message back. I didn't say a lot. I told him a little of what I like and asked some questions about him. I also asked how he planned on us getting together with him on Earth and me on Bajor.

The next morming, as I was getting ready for work, my mom asked if I had checked the communication's station yet. I couldn't believe how excited she was about this man. I went to the communication's station and found another read only file from Earth.

"Hello, Lina. Any obstacle is easy to overcome with faith. I like to do everything, especially new things. I spent some time on Bajor once. When I came home, my hair was black and I was white, but it was the most life-changing thing that ever happened to me. That was when I got to know the prophets and the Bajoran religion. I will fill you in on that when I see you. I haven't been on a real date before. It was nice to get your communication. I hope all is well with you and your family. Take care, Spencer Hess. P.S your mom said they may need help next weekend. If they need me, let me know, and we can plan to go on a date then."

Still, there was little that interested me about him. I was quite confused about him never having been on a date. According to my mother, he was in his mid-twenties. I couldn't believe he had never been on a date by that age. I had been on more than I could count and started when I was sixeteen. I was curious about him, but was worried about the idea of him coming for a weekend. What if we don't get along? The same thing happened to my sister when my mom set her up with a friend of a friend from the Klingon homeworld. She went there for a weekend and found that they had no chemistry. She refuses to talk about it to this day. My biggest problem is that I'm afraid I would disappoint him. I'm quite the lazy and boring person. Or maybe, I was afraid to get my hopes up. Maybe I would be disappointed. 

A/N: I would like to apologize for any misspellings. I used to use my sister's computer for a spell-check because my computer lacks that resource. Now that my computer is wired with internet, I can no longer use my sister's computer. So I will have more typos. So I apologize. 


	43. Anrew's Brilliant Plan

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Forty-Three: Anrew's Brilliant Plan 

A relative from the Rukantha province arrived to help mom with the work around the property. I had heard some thing about him that he was very dishonest. The idea that he would share my little hut to me made me nervous. Upon meeting him, my fears were not relieved. Cousin Anrew was dressed like a common klingon with long, black hair. Mom said that he does it because he didn't have love at home, and somehow pretending to be big and bad makes him less vulnerable. I don't understand it.

"You know what would be awsome?" Anrew asked. "We should go out with some plasma charges and see if we can flush out some mole rats."

"Are you insain?" I demanded.

He gave me a grin and nodded. "I'm going. You wanna come?"

"Not particularly," I muttered, staring at a empty datapad I was supposed to use to write a novel.

"All right," He shrugged. "Your loss."

He grabbed a sackel and left the hut. I watched after him a moment. I didn't approve of what he was doing, but I had this bad sort of feeling. Maybe I should go, not to condone or participate, but just to keep him from doing anything truly foolish. I let out a sigh and went after him.

Anrew slipped through the woods noiselessly. I tried to make no noise, but ended up making more noise than I normally would have. Anrew knelt behind a large rock and I fumbled down beside him. He shook his head at me and put a finger to his lips. I looked over the rock to see a cave nearby. Anrew set down his sachel and pulled out a plasma charged. he pushed a few buttons until it started beeping and flashing red lights, and then he tossed it into the cave.

I slapped my hands over my ears as the plasma charge let out a loud blast. Anrew chuckled to himself and I rolled my eyes at him. he looked over the rock and groaned in disappointment.

"No mole-rats," he muttered.

Anrew hopped over the rock and walked over to the cave.

"Anrew, what are you doing?" I cried.

He peered into the cave, shrugged, and started inside. I sprinted over and grabbed him by the arm.

"Stop!" I cried. "You have no idea what could be in there. You should scan it or something."

"A warrior can feel danger in his blood," He smirked. "Then he faces it head-on."

"You're insain!" I shot at him. "You can't go in there."

"If there was anything inside, the plasma charge would have frightened it off," He insisted. "You're so paranoid, cousin Lina."

Anrew kicked a rock into the cave. Suddenly, a wild banta cat the size of a klingon targ leapt out of the cave and landed at our feet. His eyes were red in fury. Anrew and I froze as the cat stood hissing at us.

"I bet I could catch it," Anrew whispered.

"You aren't serious!" I shot back.

"You distract it and I go around the back and grab it," Anrew told me.

Before I could protest, Anrew started inching away from me. The cat's eyes followed him. 

"Hey, hey!" I shouted.

The cat's eyes returned to me. I didn't know what to do now. 

"So, lived here all your life?" I asked stupidly. "I guess so. I was in Starfleet for a while myself. I got to go a lot of places and meet pretty interesting people."

By this time, Anrew had gotten to the back of the cat. He smiled widely at me and then jumped at the cat. He had a hold on it's tail for a fraction of a second until the cat jumped in fright, landing on me and knocking me to the ground. I covered my face with my arms as the cat scratched at me and Anrew tried to pull it off of me. I tried to peak through my arms, but I saw all the blood dripping down my arms and fainted straightaway.

A/N: Don't worry, that cat that attacked me was a little kitten and he didn't mean to hurt me. He's actually a sweetheart sometimes. But I now have a large scar on my hand from him. 


	44. Stranger in the Market

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Forty-Four: Stranger in the Market

I awoke to see my mom's face. She ran a hand down the side of my face.

"Are you all right?" She asked.

I looked at my arms. Mom had bandaged them.

"It stings," I said.

"Thanks what happens when you run in with a wild banta cat," Mom muttered, sending a skowl at Anrew.

"What?" He demanded. "She didn't have to follow me. Besides, isn't worth more that we actually own a wild banta cat?"

"You caught the thing?" I gasped.

"Course," he shrugged. 

"And as soon as possible, we're getting rid of it," Teffan insisted.

"No, that's my cat," Anrew protested. "I think I'll call him psycho."

I rolled my eyes.

Mom took me to the market the next day to find some supplies. It was nice to be somewhere other than home and the First Contact Commission. My mom lead me to a junk trader. 

"We're looking for a generator," Mom told him.

The man was looking at me. It made me a little nervous.

"How old are you?" He asked.

"What does that matter?" Mom retorted.

"I have sons probably around her age," the man told her. "One of my sons just got back from a scientific mission to the Pancreas Cluster. He now knows how to speak three languages."

I stared at him in confusion.

"How long is your hair?" He asked, and before I could answer, he turned my shoulder and saw my auburn locks flowing down my back. "Yes, that will do."

"What is this?" I demanded.

"I want you to meet my son," he insisted, taking a paper form his pocket and writing something down. "You should ask him to take you to dinner or something. He's quite good-looking."

The man handed me the paper.

"See, didn't I say that we were bound to find something good at the market?" My mom said excitedly.

I sighed heavily. "Great."

I didn't decide until last minute that was going to actually go through with it, and that was only because my mom was so excited about it. She doesn't get much joy out of life, so I decided to do it as a favor to her.

I found a temple at the coordinates on the paper. When I entered, a female Mylar came up to me.

"May I help you?" She asked.

"Yes, I am looking for Cyblo," I told her.

"Mylar Cyblo is this way," she said, leading the way.

His father didn't say he was a mylar. The woman led me over to a man kneeling at an alter. She whispered something in his ear and he stood up to greet me. He was a little good-looking, but not the type I usually liked.

"Good day," He greeted.

"Hi, your father said I should meet you," I told me, so he knew it wasn't my fault I was there.

He nodded as if he wasn't surprised.

"My name is Lina," I said.

"I am Mylar Cyblo," He bowed his head slightly as he said it. 

I didn't know what else to say. This man was obviously not interested in talking to me. He almost seemed as if I was taking him from more important matters.

"If that is all..." He began.

"Yes, see ya," I said and then fled from the scene. That was the last time I would meet a random man just because someone asked me to. 


	45. Let Down

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Forty-Five: Let Down

I got another letter from Spencer. He was just so vague. It was like he wanted to me to make every effort in the relationship. He wanted me to try to get to know him and he wanted me to decide when he should come and what we should do. I finally picked a day for him to come but had to cancel it last minute because I got sick. Then I picked another day, but he canceled it becuase he had to work. I was getting frustrated with this idea.

Alym burst into the house, breathing hard. We all looked at him in confusion.

"Penby had the baby," He told us. 

"Is it a girl?" Dad asked.

We all stared at him with hopeful eyes. Alym shook his head.

"Boy," He told us. "His name is Colas."

"I knew it would be a boy," Anrew muttered, picking his nails with a klingon knife.

"You did not," Teffan accused.

"Did so," Anrew shot back. "It had to be a boy because everyone wanted a girl."

Teffan rolled her eyes at him.

"Well, boy or girl, it's our grandbaby," Mom insisted. "Let's go see how they are."

"I have to go to work," I shrugged.

Mom nodded and everyone got ready and left me home alone.

Mom was a flutter with how beautful her new grandson was. She dragged me to the market to buy him something. I was less enthusiastic. I keep thinking there is something wrong with me because I don't go ga-ga over babies (pardon the pun.) 

As we were searching the baby section, I glimpsed a guy. He was tall and good-looking, and he was looking at me. That caught my eye more than anything. Throughout the shop, every time I looked in his direction, he was looking back at me and smiling. It gave me a warm feeling. An old friend worked at that store and I asked about him.

"He's the owner's son," my friend told me.

I kept thinking about him. It didn't make sense since I didn't even talk to him and knew next to nothing about him. I kept going back to the market to see him, but he was never there again. I was disappointed every time.

"Have you heard from Spencer?" Mom asked me one eveing.

"Yes, but I haven't gotten around to writing back," I told her.

She put her hands on her hips. "Why not?"

"I just think it's pointless," I muttered.

"Than you should tell him instead of just ignoring him like this," she insisted.

"All right," I groaned.

"Spencer,  
I'm sorry it took me so long to respond to your last letter, but it seems to me like this whole idea is futile. Nothing is coming of it and I just want to give up. I'm going to give this thing one more chance. Come this friday.  
Lina."

I got a response sooner than I had thought I would.

"Lina,  
I'm sorry you feel like this will never happen. I will come this friday.  
Spencer."

I felt worse rather than better.

The day Spencer was set to come, my family told me to wait at home while they went to do soem work on my sister's soon-to-be house. I couldn't explain it, but I was nevrous. I shouldn't have been. I honestly couldn't think of a good reason why I would be nervous. Not only was I only slightly interested in this guy, but I had plans for my life that having a guy would only interfere with. Still, everytime I hear the slightest noise, I found myself breaking into seat and my heart pounding. 

Psycho rolled around the floor asking to be petted. I mustered a smile for him, but I was just to jittery to do anything, but bite my lip. He was passed due, and I was wondering if he might never come. It would have been a load off my mind if he sent a message calling this whole thing off. I figured he just might have sent a message saying he would be late, but the trasmission station was malfunctioning and I didn't have an engineer like Handcock handy. When it started getting dark, I gave up hope and decided that I just wished my family would come back home. To my own surprise, I found myself disappointed that Spencer had not come.

After sitting around the house for hours, my parents came home and fixed the transmission station. Spencer had sent me a message.

"Lina,  
I left when I had planned to, but the ship I was on was attacked by Ring-Bearers. Luckily, I got away in an escape pod, but just barely made it back to Earth. We can try this again.  
Spencer."

I didn't respond. This was just too hard. It was almost like the prophets were trying to keep this relationship from going anywhere. Maybe I should listen. 


	46. My Life as a Groatcake

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Forty-Six: My Life as a Groatcake

"I saw Tyso," I muttered as I sat at home with my parents.

"Who?" Mom asked sweetly.

"Tyso," I re-stated, "the guy who looked at me at the market."

"Oh, the tall, handsome one?" Mom asked excitedly. "You saw him at the temple?"

I nodded.

"Did you throw yourself into his arms?" Dad teased.

"No!" I shot at him in annoyance. "I couldn't do that."

"Why not?" Dad asked.

"Because," I debated. "He should be the forward one."

"You know, I talked to some guys about that," Mom announced. "Let me see, how was it explained to me? Let's say you were at a buffet, and there was only one piece of groatcake left. You wouldn't just run up and grab it, especially if you saw others who looked like they wanted it."

"Now I'm a groatcake?" I feigned offense.

"Just listen," Mom insisted. "Now, let's say the person who made the groatcake came up and expressly offered it to you. You would take it then, right?"

"I guess so," I shrugged.

"It's just easier when it's offered to you, isn't it?" Mom asked.

Before I could answer, Dad chimed in. "And if someone wanted to take the groatcake away from you, you wouldn't just give it up."

"Well, if they really wanted it, I would," I told him.

Mom glared at Dad. "That's why I wasn't going to bring that up."

"How was I to know?" Dad demanded. "I wouldn't give it up if it was my groatcake."

"But, mom," I began, "how can you tell when someone wants the cake?"

"You can't really," Mom shrugged. 

"So you want me to run around offering my groatcake to everyone?" I exclaimed. "You want me to go up to every guy and say, 'Want some cake?'"

"Yes," Dad put in. "What's wrong with that?"

"What if they don't want the cake?" I asked desperately. "What if they don't like the cake? What if they say, 'Yuck, I don't want that awfulcake.'"

"That's just the chance you take, I guess," Mom muttered.

This conversation was frustrating. It just made me dislike men more. Why couldn't people just say what they mean and feel? Why did dating always have to involve such games? I knew the reason, because it was why dating was so hard for me. It was fear, pure and simple. No one wants to put their groatcake on the line only to have it thrown back in their face.

A/N: This was an actual conversation I had with my parents. Just replace groatcake with peanutbutter cookie. 


	47. Shameless

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Forty-Seven: Shameless

I decided to go to a special meeting for the Will of the Prophets class. It was on a day it normally wasn't, but they had planned it to be a social event. I figured that I could thrust myself more in social situations and that way, I could be less afraid of them.

Kenned was the only one there when I arrived. I was a little early, though. I sat down next to him at a table in the park. It was a nice, cool day and birds were chirping. The lush green around us made me feel good somehow. Kenned didn't take notice of the surroundings. He was much too busy drawing. I glanced at what he drew. It was a picture of a woman and a child smiling at one another in a knowing way.

"Who are they?" I asked him.

"Oh," he muttered, itching his chin, "they're no one really. I just read about these people in a report at work and decided to draw them."

Other people began to arrive, but Kenned and I paid little attention to them. We became engulfed in each other's conversations. When someone else tried to make a comment, Kenned would usually fall silent and stare down at his drawing. Once that person's attention was focused elsewhere, I would have to come up with a question which would bring Kenned out again. It wasn't very hard since I knew Kenned so well. Kenned was really uncomfortable in the crowd and I was as well. I made an excuse to go elsewhere and found a remote spot. I sat on the grass and looked up at the sky. Somehow I knew Kenned would come over. Or maybe I just wanted him to.

"Can I sit?" He asked.

"Sure," I said with a smile.

He layed down on the grass. I felt the inclinatin to pull up grass and start burrying him, so I did.

"Why do I have the feeling that I'm being burried?" Kenned asked with a familiar twinkle in his eye.

"I don't know why you would," I laughed.

"Look, birds are even circling," Kenned pointed out. "I must be dead."

I looked up and saw he was right. A few birds were circling over us. They weren't scavengers, of course. They were just harmless songbirds.

"Sometimes I wonder why I come to these things," Kenned muttered. "I really don't enjoy being around people."

"Sometimes, I feel the same way," I told him.

"Yes, but I hate being around people," Kenned went on. "I don't think people should be around me. I keep telling Sven and Nelle that they shouldn't hang around me. I'm not right in the head. They just laugh."

I smiled a little. "If they don't mind being around you than why do you mind it?"

He shrugged. "I just get these thoughts that I'm this awful person and I don't deserve friends."

"I think we all have those thoughts sometimes, Ken," I replied.

Ken glanced over at me, and then looked back at the sky. "Sava has been bugging me to ask you out."

I hadn't expected him to say that. The only thing I could get out of my mouth was, "Why?"

Kenned just shrugged.

"It has been a year since our last date," I reminded. "Our first date was a year before that. I guess it's about time for a third."

"So, what do you want to do?" He asked.

"I know this holonovel I wanted to try," I said.

"All right," he muttered. "Let's shoot for friday and see if that works."

"OK."

On my way home, I realized that I had made a stupid mistake. I slumped into my parent's room and sat on the edge of mom's bed. I bit my lip to keep from giving a guilty smile.

"So, did you have fun?" Mom asked.

"Kind of," I shrugged. 

"Anyone interesting there?"

"Not really," I muttered, avoiding her gaze.

"If there was no one interesting, who did you have fun with?" Dad queried.

"Kenned," I said quickly and then burried my face in a pillow.

"He doesn't count," Mom insisted. "Did he ask you on a date?"

"Yes."

"Did you say yes?"

"Yes!"

Mom shook her head. "That wasn't a good idea."

"I know!" I cried, lowering the pillow.

"If that boy would grow up," Mom trailed off, shaking her head.

"He's a loser," Dad added.

They started laughing and I felt bad. They had no right to talk about him like that. It wasn't Kenned's fault that he had psychological problems. He was trying to overcome them. He had a job and was getting ready to enter the academy. He was funny and sweet. They had no right to talk about him like that. If I was a more assertive person, I might have said this. 

"He's my friend, Mom," I muttered shyly.

Mom just shook her head.

I lay in bed that night and thought about the horrible thing I had done. I cared for Kenned, but I could not be more than friends with him no matter how funny or tallented or sweet or cute he was. I loved him only as a friend. Kenned once told me that I was the only girl who had ever made him feel like he was worth anything. I wished I could love him for his sake. I had tried to love him, but it always ended with him getting hurt. I didn't want to do it again. I wished that I could tell him that I flirt with people I have less interest in. I wished I could warn him that I have frivelous crushes that are short-lived. I wished I could tell him that I was no good for him, and he should stay away from me. He should know it all, though. He's known me for over three years and has witnesses first-hand that I'm a shameless heartbreaker, even if I don't mean to be. He should know better. They say it's shame on me if I fool him once and shame on him if I fool him twice. Where lies the blame if there's a third time?

The worst thing of all this was that I knew I would have a hard time resisting leading him on. There is within me a desire to encourage those I know like me. It would start small. A lingering glance with a smile. Then our knees will accidently touch, but I will leave my knee touching his and pretend not to notice. Soon, I would find reasons to touch his arm, his shoulder, or his knee. If he responded to these things, a kiss would ensue. Poor Kenned!

A sudden occurance came to me. It was something I had not thought of and pained me to think about. Perhaps, I had more in common with Malk than I realized. I always thought him cruel to lead me on and then tell me that he didn't want to have a relationship with me. But could it be that he suffers that same desire that I do? Could it be that he couldn't resist leading me on because he knew I liked him. He knew he was hurting me, but he couldn't stop himself, just as I am now hurting Kenned.

If only there was something I could do to let Kenned know that this is a purely "as friends" date. I could kill Sava for encouraging him. I resolved that friday I would be the ice queen. I would not flirt with him at all. I would keep control of my impulses. I pray to the prophets that I can keep my wits about me on this date. 


	48. Logs

Disclaimer: I have not used any of the Star Trek characters, but the alien species in my story don't belong to me. For that matter, Jala and Sisma don't belong to me either since they are my friends' screen names. 

A/N: As a reminder, this weird version of Star Trek is based on my life, so there's no telling what will happen because life is unpredictable. 

Ode to A Starship by Lina Shay

Chapter Forty-Eight: Logs

Stardate: 43509.3 Shay Lina's personaly log. I was a little late going to pick up Kenned. I was surprised when he wasn't even watching for me. It took him some time to come to the door. We didn't talk all that much on the way to the holosuite. The program wasn't as good as I expected, though it wasn't terrible. Kenned and I discussed what we liked and disliked about it on the way back to his house.

Stardate: 43511.8 I slept in late. I had to hurry to get and get ready for work. When I arrived, my supervisor called me into her office. She said I wasn't learning the algorhythems as well as I should have. She told me that she just couldn't afford the kind of mistakes I made. I now have to look for a new job. I went to the market with my sister and ran into an old friend, Toas Anrew. I shall now have to distinguish he and my cousin Anrew by using last names. Toas Anrew came up to me and started babbling. I don't really know what on bajor he was talking about. But he sent a message to me that same day and asked how I was. He even said something personal, which is unsual for him. He speaks in generals and technicals, but not personals. Maybe there could be something between us.

Stardate: 43515.2 I found a job at Tyso's dad's shop. Mom thinks it will give me opportunity to ask him on a date. She's even trying to bribe me to ask him out. I don't think I will. Tyso's a very good-looking man and I am rather plain. Besides, I am becoming a Vedek and don't need the distraction of a boyfriend.  
My old friend Teia has taken an interest in my cousin, Shay Anrew. She's over all the time snuggling with him on the couch. It's quite disgusting, but I can't say anything about it. It's not my place. 

Stardate: 43528.4 My father keeps insisting that I'll be married before I can enter the Vedek order. To spite him, I went into the next phaze of my preparation. I went to the temple and had a vedek preform the next ceremony. It was more simple than I expected. He asked me to take off all my jewelry and shoes. He put me in a dark room full of strange fumes. I sat and breathed them a while, and then he came to get me. He said some strange words and annointed my face with sacred oils. 

Stardate: 43588.7 Tyso gave me half of a kava fruit today. I don't know why. I have a lot more hours at the store than I did at the First Contact Commission. I just feel like I never have time anymore.  
When I got home, mom said that Toas Anrew contacted me while I was gone and wanted to know if we could get together tonight. It was the most excited I've been in a very long time. I met him at the market, and we walked around and talked. I'm sad to say that there is no chemistry. I had fun and like to talk to him, but I just don't ahve feelings for him anymore.

Stardate: 43590.2 There's this boy at work, Bem, who I think is really cute. He has pale blue eyes and dark hair. He's tall and has a lovely smile. I thought he may be a couple years younger than I am, but thought it was overlookable. I finally asked his age today and found out that he's four years younger than me. Darn it! Nevertheless, I told him he was cute.

Stardate: 43592.6 My sister went with me to the schooling of the will of the prophets. She thought it was boring. I had to agree with her for that day. Though, me and my sister are not a good pair when it comes to paying attention. We rather like to draw funny pictures to make each other laugh. I spent the whole class trying to hide giggles instead of paying attention.

Stardate: 43594.9 Bem was at work today. He was helping me and we kept making weird comments to each other. I made fun of him quite a bit, but in a playful manner. I blamed him for a mistake I made. I told him he was too slow. He knew I was playing and laughed along with me. He's really helpful, and he seems to make work a lot more fun. Near the end of my shift, he told me that after I left the day I told him he was cute, he went looking for me all over the market. He said that he wanted to tell me that he thought I was cute, too. Tyso came up and talked to me a little about the vedek order. He paced oddly. Mom thinks that he was trying to ask me out. Mom asked me how all these guys can think I'm pretty, and I dont' believe it. I don't think their lying, I just don't see what they're seeing. 

A/N: I'm sorry. I got really busy. I had so much to write, so I made a sequence of logs to summarize what's happened to me so far. 


	49. Someone New

Disclaimer: I don't own Starfleet, Bajor, or any other things that are Star Trek related. All Bajoran culture-related information and all Vedek ceremonies are completely made up. All characters are mine, based on people in my real life. 

A/N: It's been a long time since I have written anything, but I have been really busy.

ODE TO A STARSHIP by Lina Shay

Chapter Forty-Nine: Someone New

Word of the Ringbearer attack on the capital city spread throughout the providence. Anrew had moved there with Teia to find work. Both were killed by the Ringbearers. It was a sad day for the Shay house. 

I went to temple the next day, my friend Vania trying to comfort me. I had been a recluse for a while and it was Vania who got me back into things. It was also she who was helping me get through my Vedek training. She knew very little about it since she rarely attended temple. 

"You really should get on with things," Vania told me as the two of us talked after the temple ceremony. "You can't let Anrew's death keep you from becoming a Vedek. What kind of instrument of the prophets could you be if you get discouraged from your path?"

"I know, I know," I muttered.

My gaze rose to capture the blue eyes of a man. He looked away instantly. I took in his appearance. He was very young-looking. He could be twenty-one, I guessed. His face was round, but very sweet-looking. His blue eyes were a great attraction. I had no interest in getting in any sort of relationship, but he might be an interesting person to get to know. He had that lost puppy look that I adored so much. 

To my surprise, he started over toward us. He said a quick, "Hi" to the two of us.

"Hello, there," Vania greeted pleasantly.

"Hi," I said. "I'm Lina and this is Vania. And you are?"

"Jotham," he replied. "Hager Jotham. I just tranfered here from the Musilla providence."

"May I ask how old you are?" I asked, wondering if he was around my age.

"Twenty-eight," he responded.

Vania and I both gasped.

"Wow, you look young!" Vania exclaimed.

"Yeah, I get that a lot," Jotham told her.

My interest in him grew expenentially. I paid a great deal of attention to what he said and tried to remember small facts about him. The next time I went to temple, Jotham sat next to me and afterward, we talked a great deal. We found ourselves having simular backgrounds. He was in Starfleet for a while as well. But there was the problem that the prophets wanted me to be a Vedek. It was what I was meant to do. I could not engage in any relationship with the trials that would be place upon me for the next little while. 

"Lina, I was wondering if you would like to go to a restaurant with me sometime," Jotham asked.

"Uh," I began, feeling rather flustered. I had suspected this might happen, but I somehow wasn't prepared. "I don't have the time. I have to work."

"Oh." I could tell he was disappointed. I just couldn't afford the distraction. I had a goal to obtain, and a man in my life would only get in the way. 


	50. Vedek Shay

Disclaimer: I don't own Starfleet, Bajor, or any other things that are Star Trek related. All Bajoran culture-related information and all Vedek ceremonies are completely made up. All characters are mine, based on people in my real life. 

ODE TO A STARSHIP by Lina Shay

Chapter Fifty: Vedek Shay

The day I got word from the Kai herself that the prophets had accepted my rituals and were ready to embrace me into the Vedek order, I was much more fightened than excited. I sent word to all my friends from the Wasatch. They were all excited. I wished I shared their enthusiasm. It was hard to leave everything behind and go to live at the temple.

The first step to becoming a Vedek, aside from the rituals was spending several weeks as a prylar. It was a very strict time with very strict rules. The goal achieved from being a prylar was to learn discipline, to obey with exactness and to stucy many hours the prophesies to learn the pattern of the prophets. It was not an enjoyable time. There were days when I could no longer handle the study and the structure. One day, I snuck away from the other prylars. I found a secluded spot in the temple and wept.

"It is all right," came a very soft and kind voice, accompanied by a hand on my shoulder.

I looked up through tear-filled eyes at a kind face surrounded by the orange robe and headdress of a Vedek. The woman smiled down on me with sympathetic eyes.

"I'm sorry, Vedek," I sniffled. "I feel so foolish."

"Don't worry, my child," she whispered, touching my ear. "The prophets understand that this is a hard sacrifice to make. They do not expect perfection from us mere Bajorans. Perfection belongs to the prophets alone."

"It's just," I began, my voice shaking, "a month ago, I absolutely knew this was the path the prophets had laid out for me. Now, I'm not so sure. I'm not sure that I belong here at all."

"The prophets don't ask for impossible things," the Vedek assurred me. "The prophets called you because they believe in you. Just believe in yourself and you can do all things."

There was a wonderful feeling she gave off, a feeling that she truly cared about me. I couldn't help believe everything she said.

The Vedek led me bacl to the other prylars and watched over me that day. When I glanced up at her, she would smile in a reassurring way. Whe I became a Vedek, that was the type of Vedek I wanted to be.

I didn't see Vedek Zajaiko- what I learned was her name- again through my entire prylar training. And when I left the temple, I wished I could have told her how much that talk helped me get through the rest of my training.

The next step, I was considered a Vedek and referred to as such, but I was what other occupations would call an apprentice Vedek. I trained a few more weeks with Vedek Keiryer. Vedek Keiryer was not at all like Vedek Zajaiko. She was stern and serious and rarely talked to me unless it was to give me instruction. Whenever she asked if I was ready to give a sermon or address someone's concerns, I always said no. I did practice, though, and study. I learn the rituals and prophesies the best I could. But learning the words and interpreting what the prophets would have me do where very different things.

I spent many nights awake in my bed, praying to feel I belonged, praying for the courage to do my duty as a Vedek. All the praying didn't seem to help.

"You don't seem like you're trying very hard," Vedek Keiryer once accused.

"I am trying," I insisted, feeling tears flooding my eyes. "I just don't feel I can do this."

"Then you can't," Keiryer shot at me. "Only if you believe you can will you be able to do what's necissary. Otherwise, you might as well not be here at all."

The tears were streaming down my face. "But I saw a vision. The prophets told me to become a Vedek."

"Maybe you misunderstood," Keiryer shrugged.

What she said stcuk with me. Could I really have misunderstood? It seemed so clear. I saw myself as a Vedek. How could that not mean I should become one?

I got permission from Vedek Keiryer to go to the temple on my own. I went to the temple where I trained to be a prylar.

"Vedek Zajaiko?"

She was standing in the corner of a large room, lighting a candle. She turned when she heard me call her name, and smiled at me.

"Vedek Shay," she greeted with delight. "It's not often that I see a graduate prylar so soon."

"I've been wondering some things," I muttered nervously. "I've wondered if maybe I didn't understand my vision that told me to be a Vedek."

"The prophets often show us images that we don't understand immediately," Zajaiko explained. "It takes a lot of time and reflection and sometimes things doing mean what they first appear to. Tell me, how long did you pray and contemplate your vision before deciding to be a Vedek?"

"Uh." I felt embarrassed. "Not very long. I thought it was self-explanitory. I didn't know you could interpret it more than one way."

"Vedek Shay, the biggest part of being a Vedek is having the desire to serve the prophets and all of Bajor."

"I do have that desire," I insisted. "But must I do it as a Vedek?"

Zajaiko smiled. "That is your answer. Remember, Vedek Shay, that it is your choice. If you find yourself somewhere you don't want to be, don't blame the prophets. Take responsibility for your life."

"Does that mean I can go home?" I asked, feeling excited and afraid at the same time.

"This tunic may not fit you now," Vedek Zajaiko whispered as she removed my Vedek headdress. "But maybe it will fit you some day." 


End file.
